Sophia
First thing Wednesday morning, I go to my doctor’s appointment.
Dr. Hernandez smiles widely when he sees me. “I've reviewed your results,” he says. “There doesn’t appear to be any problems with your fertility. Your ovaries look excellent. We can schedule the first procedure once you have a donor selected and determine your ideal ovulation period. In your case, I’m going to recommend intracervical insemination.”
I clear my throat. “I have a question. What would happen if I put this process on hold?”
He gives me a puzzled look. “On hold?”
“I met someone,” I mutter. A pair of someones, though I don’t tell the doctor that. “It's early days. I'm trying to figure out what to do.”
“Ah. Well, that's obviously a personal decision that only you can make.”
“I know that. Let's say that I wait a year. Would I still be in good shape fertility-wise?”
He purses his lips. “I can't make any definitive promises, Ms. Thorsen,” he replies. “You’re thirty-five. If you want to try to get pregnant the natural way, well, that's certainly understandable. Fertility treatments are not easy, and people aren't usually here voluntarily. They are here because they've exhausted other options.”
I think back about the support group meeting I went to last week. Any one of those women would be ecstatic to be in my position.
“I will say one thing, though. Your fertility declines exponentially with each passing year. Things look good right now, but there's no guarantee that it will stay that way.”
Was I hoping he'd have a yes or no answer for me? I guess I was. But of course, Dr. Hernandez can't tell me what to do. Only I can make that decision.
In three weeks, Damien will be leaving Highfield. Will we have a conversation about the future before then? “In case there’s any doubt about it, I want to see you again,” Damien said on Sunday. But what does that mean? Are we heading toward a serious relationship? And kids. That’s a lifelong commitment. Shouldn’t we know each other a lot better before making that decision?
Dr. Hernandez has given me a lot to think about, but unfortunately, I am no closer to an answer.
Time to talk to the family. Well, not all of them. Aurora is the only one of us with a child. Maybe my baby sister can help me make sense of this situation.
“You’re in a threesome?”Aurora screeches.
I wince and hold the phone further away from my ear. “Will you keep your voice down?” I demand.
She ignores that in favor of her next question. “And it’s not a one-time thing? You did it once, and you’re going to do it again?”
“Tonight.” At a sex club, but I skip that part. I’ve shocked my sister enough for one day.
“Okay, Soph, this isn’t going to work. You can’t just call me up out of the blue and tell me you’re banging two guys. I’m missing several key details here. Start at the beginning, and tell me everything.”
I sigh. I was hoping not to get into it, but it’s too late for that now. Aurora has a stubborn streak in her, and if she wants to worm something out of me, she will. She’s always been able to.
“Okay, it started ten years ago.”
She squeals loudly. “You’ve been dating these guys for ten years? You’ve kept them a secret for that long? What the hell, Soph?”
Oh, for fuck’s sake. “No, of course I haven’t been dating Damien and Julian for ten years,” I say in exasperation. “Do you want the whole story, or would you rather just jump to conclusions on your own?”
“Fine, don’t get huffy. What started ten years ago?”
“Ten years ago, I worked in a hospital in Pennsylvania, remember?”
“The place you hated?” she says. “The one with the horrible boss, the one who made you miserable?”
“Mrs. Caldwell.” I don’t remember mentioning her to my family, but I obviously did because Aurora remembers.
Back in those days, I was contemplating going to medical school. I believed a stint in the hospital would be a good way to gain some experience and decide if I was cut out to be a doctor. But even before I got fired, Mrs. Caldwell had made me reconsider that career plan. In retrospect, being fired was the jolt I needed. I switched gears, and I’m happier now than I ever was back then. Getting fired was shocking, but it might have been the best thing that ever happened to me.
Huh. I’ve never seen it that way before.