I do. My anger drains away. “I’m not good at dealing with her when she gets that way either,” I admit.
“Maybe if Cristiano were to do more—”
“Bullshit. Cristiano is the only one with any work-life balance. We both need to do a better job pushing back.”
“Yeah. . .” Her voice softens. “She’s not handling retirement very well.”
“That’s the understatement of the year.” My parents had talked about retirement when my father was alive. They had planned to take an around-the-world cruise. My father’s unexpected death shocked my mother into retirement, but it’s not easy to reset old patterns. My parents were workaholics. Now that she’s retired, Maria Cardenas doesn’t know what to do with her spare time.
And so she meddles in the company.
“You have children. Just drop Felipe and Johan off with her. She’s not doing enough grandmothering, clearly. Have her babysit your little monsters.”
“She’ll probably have them working in the mailroom.”
“They’re seven and nine, Victoria.”
“And we’re talking about our mother, Damien,” she retorts. “Okay, I’ll find Rafal and smooth things over, and I’ll do a better job holding the line.”
I hang up. I take another sip of coffee, but it’s bitter in my mouth. Something I ate obviously didn’t agree with me. I make myself get up and drink a glass of water. For safe measure, I swallow an aspirin.
Then, ignoring my laptop, I walk out to the deck and look at the lake.
It's a vivid shade of blue. The day promises to be beautiful and sunny, and the water calls to me. When I bought this house, I had illusions of jumping in for a swim every morning. There’s a canoe in the boathouse, and I can count on one hand how many times I’ve gone out on it.
I never seem to have any free time. My calendar is always packed with meetings. There's always an endless flood of work.
Resentment prickles through me, not for the first time. I've worked hard all my life. I've done my duty to the family. I went to business school, spent four years as a management consultant to broaden my experience, and then joined the firm and worked my way up the ladder. When do I get my reward?
Don't get me wrong, I'm extremely privileged and very aware of it. I am financially stable. More than stable, I am wealthy. But what's the point of all that money if I can never take a weekend off? If I never get any time to enjoy it?
Stop throwing yourself a pity party. If you want things to change, then do something about it.
I close my eyes and bask in the sun. I need a better work-life balance. We all do. It took Magnus leaving Cristiano for my brother to realize what was truly important.
I don’t want to learn that lesson the hard way. Last night with Sophia has brought my discontent to the forefront. I wanted to spend time with her today, but I had meetings. I wanted to eat a slow, leisurely breakfast, but I knew people needed me. I wanted to drag her back to bed and spend the afternoon making love to her, but my mother panics if she can’t reach me.
Something needs to change.
For a minute or two, I allow myself to fantasize about the future. If we were in a relationship, I would move to Highfield. I can work out of the Manhattan office two days a week and work remotely the rest of the time. Sophia clearly loves her job, and Julian already has a home here. I know he's talked about selling it, but if his relationship with his sister improves, he might decide to hang on to Kincaid Castle. It makes sense for me to be the one to move.
I want the fantasy so much it hurts. I want a life that is more than just about work. I want a family and a home. I might even want children.
That thought makes me pause. Does Sophia want kids? She hasn't said anything about them, but to be fair, we didn't spend a lot of time in conversation yesterday. I make a mental note to ask her.
What about me? A threesome makes things complicated, but it doesn’t make things impossible. I don’t have a burning need to pass down my genes. Cristiano and Magnus are starting a family. They’re using an egg donor fertilized with Magnus’ sperm. Their surrogate is only three months pregnant, and already, Cristiano is besotted. A family is what you make of it.
If I want this relationship to work, I’m going to have to make a lot of changes in my life. Starting with work. My mother is not going to take it well. Knowing her, she won’t bat an eye at the threesome. The Cardenas Group is different. My father gave his life to it. My mother’s feelings aren’t rational when it comes to the firm. I’m setting up for a confrontation with her, a confrontation I've avoided ever since my father died.
She was grief-stricken then, and I didn’t want to upset her. Things are different now. She’s happier. Tomas is good for her, calm and even-keeled.
I rub my chest again. Fucking indigestion. When I was twenty, I could have eaten a dozen burgers without any consequences. But I'm getting older, in my late thirties. If I don't take a stand, life will slip away from me.
And I refuse to let that happen.