“You look like you're thinking really hard over there.”
Grace smiled in spite of her gloomy mood when she heard Matthew’s voice and felt him come up behind her. He didn't touch her, hadn't touched her since he’d held her in his arms after he’d saved her from Emmanuel. She had fought as hard as she could, even managed to get him to let her go, but Grace wasn’t kidding herself, she still knew that if Matthew hadn't shown up when he did that Emmanuel would have gotten her out of the room.
She was sure Matthew was trying to be respectful of her. Although she’d answered a ton of questions there were still things he didn't know about her time with Emmanuel, and she was pretty positive he didn't believe her when she’d told him Emmanuel hadn't sexually assaulted her. As much as she appreciated him trying not to do anything to upset her, the last thing she wanted was to be treated like a china doll.
There was no way she was breaking.
After fighting so hard and for so long, if she fell apart now that she was back home it would be like all that was for nothing. Like all those women had died for nothing.
The only way she could honor their memory was to live her life to the fullest. She would forever carry the burden of their souls, but maybe she could make up for it a little, set those souls free if she lived for them and for herself.
Turning, she took a step toward him, closing the space he’d left, and placed her hands against his chest. It was hard as a rock beneath her stinging palms and she liked that, he felt strong, and sturdy, and safe. “Thank you for saving me today.”
Matthew smiled, lifted his hand but hesitated a moment before brushing his knuckles across her cheek. “You were doing a pretty good job of saving yourself.”
“It wouldn’t have been enough though.” She didn't mean it to sound like she was sulking or complaining because she wasn’t, merely stating a fact. She would have to do something about that. Whenever her brothers had tried to convince her to let them teach her how to shoot, she’d always said no. Grace hadn't liked guns and violence, had wanted to focus only on the good in life, but now she knew better. Now she wanted to learn how to defend herself.
“You did good, I'm proud of you.”
The words could have sounded condescending coming from someone else, but she could see the admiration in his eyes so she knew that he meant them, and they made her feel good. Probably better than it should considering she still didn't really understand this pull she felt toward him or even know if he felt it too.
“Where’s your family?”
Matthew had been close by since Emmanuel jumped out the window, but he’d also tried to be respectful of her need to be with the people she loved. He really was a respectful guy, maybe that was why she was getting attached. “They went to grab some dinner.”
“I’m surprised they left.”
“Yeah, they didn't want to.” That was an understatement, they’d fought about it, but in the end they had relented. “Given last time I asked for some time to myself Emmanuel almost kidnapped me again they didn't want to go, but I've made it clear that what I need most right now is autonomy. I need to be able to make my own decisions. So, we compromised, they’re having dinner in the cafeteria before coming back to spend the night.”
“If you want some time alone I can leave,” Matthew offered.
“No.” The word burst out with a little more force than she’d intended, but she wanted him to stay. “I mean, if you need to go that’s fine, but I'd like you to stay,” she said, suddenly shy.
The smile Matthew gave her told her that not only did he want to stay but he loved that she wanted him to. “Did you eat dinner yet?”
“I wasn’t hungry earlier, but let me guess you’re going to feed me again.”
“Pizza should be here any minute.”
“Mmm,” she moaned in anticipation, her mouth already watering. “You're really ticking all the comfort food boxes.”
Matthew’s large hand settled in the small of her back. He turned her and guided her to the window where there was a small table and two chairs. This new room was a little larger than the other one, and there would be a police guard on her door tonight as well as her siblings being in the room with her.
“What's your favorite comfort food?” Matthew asked as they both sat.
“My mom’s mac and cheese,” she answered without hesitation. She had loved that stuff, when she’d been very small she’d gone through a stage where it was all she would eat. “First meal I'm cooking for myself when I get out of here is that.”
“Your mom won't make it for you?”
“My mom had a really bad stroke just a few months before I was taken. She’s in a nursing home, can't move and can't speak. She’s so brave, she’s still in there, trapped inside her own body, but she hasn't given up. I’m going to go see her on the way to Jem and Laynie’s house tomorrow. I can't wait to hug her.” Even though her mom couldn’t talk, Elijah and Ali had gone over there the first day she’d been found and they’d called the hospital and she’d talked to her mom on the phone.
“I'm sorry, that’s rough. What about your dad?”
“He died not long after I graduated high school. He was only fifty-eight but he had a massive heart attack and was dead before help could arrive.”
“I’m sorry,” he said again. “That’s really rough.”
“Yeah, I'm lucky to have my brothers though, and Ali and Laynie. They’re all fifteen years older than me so they kind of helped raise me. I love them all so much, and I know I'm lucky to have such a supportive family.”