“Nope,” I say, popping the ‘p’.This is about to get real awkward. “When I asked for his name, he saidnot yet,so I’ve just taken to referring to him by a shorter version of his screen name.”
“Which is?” Jack drawls. I fiddle with my cup and swallow thickly. Looking up from beneath my lashes, I watch Addy seeing how she reacts to this information.Is she chatting with him too?
“KillerClown4u,” I murmur. Her eyes widen, and Jackson coughs to cover a snort but fails.
Addison smirks. “If you were worried I was also talking to your man, I assure you, I’m not. In fact, I don’t even think we’re on the same side of Kinksters. You know what I like, I know what you like. We’re not attracting the same men.”
“And what is it you like?” Jackson asks, though his gaze is locked on Addison. I don’t miss his tense jaw or slight flexing of his fists. I’m sure my friend doesn’t miss it either. We’re both observant as hell.
She tilts her head to the side, her eyes boring into his. “I’m a Domme, Jack. I like men who submit to me, in and out of the bedroom. That a problem?” His pupils dilate and his knee begins to bob up and down, but he doesn’t break eye contact. They stare at each other so intensely and for so long that I consider standing up to give them privacy.
“Not at all,” he mutters, sounding one hundred percent like it is, in fact, a problem. Finally, he pulls his gaze from Addison and locks it onto me. “And you?”
Ah, shit. I was hoping to avoid this question. My hands develop a slight tremble in the space of one second to the next, and my previous nausea comes back with vengeance. I don’t like telling men this part. They’re quicker to judge than women are, that’s for sure.
“She’s a dirty, dirty girl,” Addy jokes, taking the choice from me. My head snaps in her direction, but she’s too locked onto Jack to notice. “Rayvn likes it rough, painful and degrading. She can’t get turned on unless she’s scared for her life and being called a little slut, apparently.”
Not for the first time, I wonder why Addison and I are even friends. Everything around me blanks out, except for the staticky chaos inside my head. It’s louder than ever, and it’s screaming at me to run. To shut down. To get somewhere quiet and peaceful.Alone.My muscles twitch, my teeth gnash together, and an intense throbbing picks up behind my eyes. I feel seconds from snapping.
Jackson immediately looks pissed off, and at first I think it’s at me, or maybe my tastes, but am quickly proven wrong when he barks at Addy. “Enough, Addison. That was not your information to share.”
Addy freezes in place, her eyes wide and panicked. They dart to me, and regret washes over her features. She opens her mouth, to no doubt apologize, but I’m already shaking my head. “It’s fine.” I stand up, set my coffee cup on the table, and step away. It takes everything inside me not to run for the bathroom and hide.
She jumps to her feet and moves toward me. She stops when I retreat. “Shit, I didn’t mean that. I’m sorry, Ray.”
“It’s fine, seriously. I uh,” I cough awkwardly, then realize this is one of those times when the meek Rayvn Porter won’t cut it. My mask slides into place, and I stand up tall, looking at them both head-on. “I have to get back to work. I have to call Tinsley and see what she wants to do.”Please just go, please just go.
She seems like she wants to protest, but Jack steps in, placing a gentle hand on her arm and tugging her away. He pushes her stumbling and gaping form through the door, whispering something too quietly for me to hear. With one last regretful look in my direction, she nods at Jackson and leaves.
Exhaling heavily, he turns toward me and whatever he sees on my face has him closing the distance in a few short strides. His arms wrap around me in a tight hug that is both uncomfortable and comforting. He’s never hugged me before. We don’t have this kind of relationship, but I would be lying if I said it didn’t feel nice right now. I return the hug, relaxing for the first time since I received that email.
In the span of a minute, I’m proven why my theory about people sucking is both right and wrong.
“I know it’s not the same coming from me, but I’m sorry on her behalf. Don’t let her words shame you, Rayvn. Everyone’s entitled to like what they like, and as long as it’s safe and consensual, nothing else matters.” Jack says gently. I nod into his chest before stepping away.
“Thanks,” I murmur, taking a seat behind my desk while trying to keep it together.Just another minute. You can do it.
He jerks a nod, takes the hint, and moves to leave. Before closing the door behind him, he turns, sticking his head back in. “By the way. Three weeks is nothing. Give him some time. Us men are a little—slow.” He shoots me a devilish wink and clicks the door closed.
My eyes burn, and my hands are still shaking, but I know I can’t break down at work. Everyone is already questioning my capabilities with the Snow case. Me having tantrums and breakdowns won’t make it any better.
I fight the urge to do what I know will make me feel better for a solid five minutes before finally caving. Picking up my phone, I open the Kinkster app and send a message.
Chapter Ten
FoxBabe20:Hi.
Jesus, Ray. Real fucking original. No wonder he’s—
KillerClown4u: What’s wrong?
My brows furrow. Not only did he respond immediately, but he somehow knows I’m not okay. Unsure how honest to be, I avoid answering.
FoxBabe20: What makes you think something is wrong?
KillerClown4u: You never text me while you’re at work.
KillerClown4u: And you never just sayhi.