I breathe him in, relishing in the sense of calm and surge of protectiveness I feel for this little guy. I set him down carefully in his crib, smiling at the gassy smirk he does in his sleep.
“Noah?”
I look up to find Ria sitting on the bed, the sheets tangled around her legs as she blinks at me with hazy eyes, fresh from a good night’s sleep. I swallow the frown that threatens to show at the sight of the puffy purple bags under her eyes after having fallen asleep crying.
The shades in the room cast her in a glow that is almost as ethereal as that first morning we spent together, and my heart nearly leaps to my throat as my mind is filled with moments with her.
“Good morning beautiful,” I murmur.
She rolls her eyes at me.
I almost laugh at that but then she stretches, one strap of her tank falling off her shoulder as the hem rides up, revealing an expanse of skin and giving me a peek at what I’ve been missing.
It’s suddenly a hundred degrees in here and I clear my throat to soothe the unexpected dryness there.
Ria’s arms fall to her side as she tilts her head and studies me.
An awareness fills the room, but she reads past my need for her, seeing right through me.
She straightens up, a deep frown marring her face.
“Did something happen?”
I offer her my hand, a sigh of relief passing through my lips when she takes it. Resting a knee on the bed, I pull her into my arms.
“Are you okay?”
Her breath tickles my neck and I allow myself to breathe in the familiar scent of her.
Roses and vanilla.
Fuck.
I missedthis.Her. Us.
“I am now.” I bury my nose in her hair, fulfilling my need to be just a little bit closer to her.
Fifteen months without her was torture.
Fifteen months without knowing if she was okay nearly drove me to madness.
But this is worse-- the uncertainty I feel at not knowing if I’m doing enough to keep them safe.
IfI can keep them safe.
The tightness in my throat gets almost as unbearable as the beating my chest is being subjected to by the weight of my fear. I feel like my heart has been thrown into an incinerator.
It hurts to even fucking breathe.
“I love you so much, Ree.”
She responds with a sharp intake of breath and a tremble.
Her hands trail up my chest and her right hand rests on my heart.
That’s the only response I get from her. I squeeze her gently, letting her know it’s okay.
I don’t need her to say it back.