When I give her a look that says that I’m still just as lost, she pushes me onto the bed and turns into my closet, rummaging through what remains.
Dave crawls over to me and sets his head on my lap. I run my finger from his snout to his ears, taking the comfort where I can find it.
Cat emerges from my closet holding a sleeveless lavender blouse and a white pencil skirt with black music notes on it. “Flats or wedges, not pumps.” She hands the clothing to me.
I get dressed as she picks through the jewelry, first pulling out a simple strand of pearls with studs. I try them on, and we take in the whole look before nixing the pearls.
I take a peek and find a necklace with a sun pendant, an opal at the center and ironwork scrolls twisting as the rays. Catalina steps back and moves my loose curls first behind my shoulder, then in front before brushing them back again.
She’s nervous for me, and it’s evident as she tries to clean imaginary lint off my skirt. I pull her into a tight hug. This would not be possible without her in any way shape or form.
“You’ll be waiting outside?” I confirm.
She nods. “The whole time.” Although I decided not to have her in the room with me, I still want her nearby as my safety net.
My hands are sweaty, and I’m glad I opted to skip breakfast when nausea churns in my stomach as I walk with Cat to Essos’s office. Every step has me second guessing if I should do this, if I should keep going. The only option in my head is catastrophe; I don’t—I can’t—leave hope in my heart for anything good. If I’m prepared for rejection, then it won’t hurt as badly if it happens.
Cat holds my hand as we descend the main stairs. The hallway we walk feels darker than usual, as if shrouded in shadows. I know my mind is playing tricks on me, because in truth it’s the same as it always is.
When we reach his office, Essos’s expression is grim, his mouth set in a hard line.
“Why the long face?” I ask weakly. Maybe something came up and we can’t do this.
“Had I known this was going to cause you so much strife, I don’t know if I would have offered it. I never want to cause you pain like this,” he responds with a solemn shake of his head.
My brows pull in, and I almost,almoststep into his embrace to reassure him that I wouldn’t change anything. But my throat feels swollen around letting any words of gratitude out.
Cat looks at me to make sure it’s okay to release my hand. I loosen my grip, and she takes a seat on a bench outside his door. Out of the corner of my eye, I see her shake her hand to get the blood flowing before she pulls out a book.
I follow Essos into his office, and he shuts the door gently behind me. He keeps glancing at me, as if expecting me to change my mind. When I meet his eye, I realize that he wants me to know Icanchange my mind. For the last three days, he has watched me war with myself over this decision, and he wants me to know that it’s never too late to walk it back.
My heart keeps leaping into my throat, trying to claw its way out and away from getting hurt. I expect to sit on the couch again, but instead, he walks past me toward a door behind his desk that I don’t remember seeing before. He opens the door and watches as my brain processes what I am seeing.
Beyond the door is a wide-open meadow with green rolling hills in the distance. Sunlight pours in through the doorframe, illuminating the room. I can feel its heat from where I stand. Essos waits for me to pass through the door first before following me into the light.
The sun is warm on my skin. A gentle breeze blows across my face, pulling strands of hair along with it.
I glance at Essos confused. “Is this real?”
“As real as you or I. It’s part of the Afterlife, which is part of the Underworld, so it is part of my domain.”
I squat down and run my hands over the blades of grass, confirming that they are real. I glance around and see a picnic table laid out with glasses and plates, but only for three.
I turn to Essos. “You’re leaving me here?” I don’t see the door we came through, and my panic rises. For being in such an open space, I suddenly feel trapped, like a mouse cornered by a cat.
Essos crosses the space to me. I reach for him as soon as he’s close enough, my hands gripping his forearms. His hands close on my elbows, and calm spreads through my body. Part of my brain is trying to remind me that he murdered me, but the other part, the louder part, is insisting that I need him right now. The thought that this is one of his parlor tricks dances around in my head but is quickly followed by wondering if I care.
“I won’t go unless you want me to. I thought you would want some alone time.”
“No!” I shout at him. His eyebrows quirk. I clear my throat. “I mean, no. I think you should stay, at least at first.”
He nods, understanding in his eyes, and another place setting appears at the table. I need a familiar face, and I think he can see that. He’s had millennia of reading people, of being able to look at them and in a moment know if they are inherently bad or victims of circumstance.
“And do you think you could bring back the door?” I ask, watching the space we just came through.
He chuckles and conjures the door, and I’m grateful, regardless of how out of place it looks.
“When do they get here?” I glance around for another door they would be coming through. I can’t contain my nervous energy. I wish I had something to hold on to and squeeze.