Of course I don’t want to visit our psycho ex-omega. If Bokerah hated me before, she’ll hate me even more now that I helped send her to prison. For years, she stewed in silence over how my incompetence was complicit in her brother’s demise. Now that she’s stuck inside a socially sanctioned cage, she has nothing else to distract her. She can spend all day plotting her next attempt at revenge if she wants. Maybe she already has.
When Violet suggests we connect with her, I want to say no. I’m the alpha in our little trio, which means I’m the one who gets to make those decisions for us. But I also think Violet might have it right.
When Bokerah suddenly reentered my life, I chose to ignore the possibility that there could be a problem. I convinced myself that she didn’t remember me, that it was too long ago, that there had been too many people in her life since. I told myself she wanted us, plain and simple. I never once asked why.
An honest talk—either with Bokerah or with Archer—could have prevented what happened next. I chose to look the other way then. But this time, I’m trying to see things through Violet’s perspective.
“You blame yourself,” she explains softly as we’re snuggled together on our hotel room bed. We left Talkeetna after that first night and are now biding our time in Anchorage.
She brushes my long hair from my face and tucks it behind my ear. “For Bokerah and her brother. Even for what’s happening with the pack now. But you can’t carry the entire weight of the world on your shoulders, Ben. You’ll get crushed.”
I shake my head, causing my hair to fall back in my face. “But why talk to her now? What more is there to say?”
Violet shrugs and tucks herself into my side, laying her head on my shoulder. “I don’t know. I just know it’s where we need to start. Maybe if she forgives you, it’ll be easier for you to forgive yourself.”
She seems content to drop the subject, but now my wheels are turning—and they won’t stop until I get somewhere. “What about Archer?”
“We’ll cross that bridge when we get to it, but we’re not there yet.”
I chuckle and attempt a joke. “I feel like you’ve just signed up all of us for some kind of twelve-step program.”
She tilts her head to the side as she considers this. “Well, maybe that’s exactly what we need.”
Somehow in such a short period of time, this sweet omega who grew up more than three thousand miles away has become my lifeline. She’s the answer to all the questions I stopped asking long ago. She’s the one who can make me whole, even though I’ve already gotten used to being broken.
VIOLET
I’m an omega. It’s my job to support and nurture the pack. Also I’m putting Ben first now, because God knows he’s not going to do that for himself.
I have no idea whether Bokerah will even agree to speak with us. She hates the guys and doesn’t know me at all. Still, I go through the proper channels to state my interest and request approval for a visit.
And from there, we wait. Archer and Miles need time to cool off—and frankly so do we. Noah takes me shopping for some new clothes and other essential items as a way to fill the day, while Ben begins to research forming our own pack. I support them both in whatever they need right now, but soon I’ll have to share my intention to bring Pack Muldoon back together.
After a couple days of this, I start tagging along whenever Noah visits the hotel gym, working out some of my anxiety on the elliptical machine while he heads for the weights. It’s then that I receive the call.
Bokerah has approved me for a visit. I can hardly believe it. It’s a bit late in the day to make it down to the prison today, but tomorrow I’ll get to meet her face-to-face, to talk to her about her history with the pack. I don’t know exactly what I’m hoping to gain, but somehow it feels right, necessary.
“Everything okay?” Noah asks from across the long room as he re-racks the free weights.
I go to him and kiss him on the cheek before revealing, “We get to see Bokerah tomorrow. She approved us for a visit.”
But when we turn up the next day, I learn that I’ve gotten it wrong. Bokerah didn’t approve us. She approved me, and only me. I’m not sure I understand the reasoning, but I have no choice but to play along.
Despite her record of both drug-related charges and attempted murder, the pack’s former omega is not serving her sentence in maximum security. Apparently, she’s been a model prisoner and as such has gained certain privileges. I don’t need to speak with her through a plexiglass barrier like I expected. Instead I’m able to sit down at a table across from her in a communal visitation area where one guard is stationed at the door and two watch the inmates and their visitors inside.
Noah and Ben stay in the truck, and after checking myself in, I wait at the table with my hands folded before me. This place reminds me of a high school cafeteria, except instead of long bench seats, each table is outfitted with four individual seats that are tightly fastened to the ground. Less chance for trouble that way, I suppose.
After about five minutes pass, Bokerah shuffles into the open, wearing burgundy from top to bottom. The standard prison uniform practically swallows her identity whole, but I can tell that she was beautiful once, that she may one day be beautiful again.
She slumps into the chair across from me, mirroring my body language, one thin brow arched as she appraises me. “So you’re Muldoon’s new omega,” she says simply. Not a question, but not much of a statement either.
I nod as anxiety roils inside me.
“What made you want to come and see me?” Her voice is shaky, and she begins to chew the inside of her cheek. “Going to yell at me? Warn me to stay away from your men?”
I shake my head.No.
Perhaps she’s just as nervous about this meeting as I am, but maybe she also understands. She did approve me, after all. If that was just for curiosity’s sake, so be it. But I sense that she—like me—is looking for something more from this exchange.