We all order seconds and pack it in until our bellies are bursting with sustenance. I’m delighting in my time with Ben and Noah, but I still can’t help but wonder what comes next. Do we continue to hide out in Talkeetna and pretend yesterday didn’t happen? Eventually we’ll need to return to Anchorage, if not to talk it out with the others then at least to secure our belongings.
I don’t have much time to ruminate, though, because as soon as I set my utensils down and push my plate aside, Ben announces that he has our day planned out.
“Called in a favor from a buddy of mine while you were in the shower,” he declares, and the next thing I know, we’re being whisked away in a private helicopter.
The helicopter’s sound system is much better than what we had in their private plane Bessie, which means the three of us are able to carry on a conversation through our headsets as we hover over Denali National Park.
Noah holds my hand while Ben narrates our journey. “The air whips across the tops of mountains, even on a calm day. The higher you get, the colder and crisper the air. But standing atop the peak, you feel like you’ve conquered the entire world if only for a moment. We’ll bring you back, climb the Moose’s Tooth straight to the top, so you can stand on top of the world and look down at your subjects, their undisputed queen.
“Across the land, you can see all the way out to the city and beyond. Until the world dips behind the horizon. Clouds dot the air almost at eye level. Almost like you could reach out and snatch one out of the air.
“There’s a sense of solitude at the top of a mountain. A feeling like in the grand scheme of things, you don’t really matter. But not in a bad way. Like no matter what’s wrong with your life, cosmically, it doesn’t matter. Scream as loud as you want and not so much as an echo reaches you. Even on top of the world, nothing you do will change the mighty mountain.”
I let out a low whistle. It all sounds so beautiful—to be both elevated and dwarfed by the mountain’s majesty at the exact same time. That’s kind of how I feel now about the pack’s current state. To feel such love and belonging with the two that are here while yearning for the two that are not.
Even when we were still together as a group, there were problems. Last time we flew, Archer was missing. This time, Miles is too. Maybe my presence didn’t bring them together as we’d all hoped; maybe it drove them even further apart.
Relationships are complicated enough when they’re between two people, but five? Most packmates grow up together, spend their whole lives finding how they work as a unit, but Muldoon is brand new. Most of the guys met in high school. Their past is troubled, and they’ve had to fight to overcome it. At the same time, those past wounds still bleed freely.
I resettle myself in my seat and try to enjoy the scenery. Focus on what’s here now, not what’s missing. That’s been my aim for close to a year now… ever since they took my daughter away.
She’s out there somewhere.
So are my sisters.
So are Miles and Archer.
All are scattered pieces of my heart, and I want them so badly. My heart is broken but still beating. I can still fix things. Somehow. I look to Ben and then to Noah seated on either side of me and realize I’m not alone anymore.
Ben hasn’t spoken for a few minutes, so Noah takes the floor.
“It’s a long climb to the Tooth—ten days—but it’s worth it. We can do it tandem.” He flexes a bicep as if to prove his strength. “I will always carry you, Violet. Wherever you need to go.”
“Just consider him your own personal jackass,” Ben adds, switching from poet to trickster in ten seconds flat.
Noah’s eyes jolt toward our alpha, but instead of losing his temper, he laughs. “Actually, my preferred term is pack mule, thank you very much.”
Things are so easy between us now that we’ve all divulged our deepest secrets. Noah, especially, is on cloud nine as we fly through the heavens, hand in hand.
I glance out at the towering mountain, picturing future versions of the three of us scaling its cliffs. How I’ll cling to Noah as he rappels us down the rocky mountain face. If he lets me go, I’ll fall to my certain death.
But the truth is I’ve already fallen for him, for the others. My heart has Gorilla-glued itself to this pack. Not just Noah and Ben, but Miles and Archer too. My picture-perfect mountain climb isn’t perfect at all, not unless all five of us are together in that frame.
I thought I could be the one to unite the guys, but maybe I’m not the right omega for the job. Maybe they’ve needed somebody else to fix things all along.
I make up my mind right then and there amidst a sky full of dreamy clouds with a sweet alpha to my left and a strong beta to my right.
None of us can move into the future until we heal the past. I don’t know what life will look like for any of us going forward. The three of us are on the same page today, but what happens when things get tough? What happens when I tell them I’m not complete without Miles and Archer too?
I’m not sure how I’ll fix things with Miles, but I do have an idea for repairing Archer and Ben’s relationship.
We need to go to that prison.
And we need to talk to Bokerah.
sixteen
BEN