I puffed. “He’s about to evict a family friend. He’s developing an important part of our history. It would be like sleeping with the enemy.”
“I’m sure you can enjoy the sex and keep it casual. Not everyone needs to know.”
I tangled my fingers and looked abstractedly at the Picasso dove print on the wall.
“Hey. Why do I get this feeling it’s more than the farms?” she persisted.
I smiled sadly, my eyes burning with tears. She could read me well. “I’m falling for him.”
She sat closer and put her arm around me.
I grabbed a tissue from the coffee table and blew my nose. “It is about the Newmans, but it’s also about this.” I tapped my heart, and my voice thickened with emotion.
“You’re worried he’ll hurt you.” Sheridan’s soft tone filled with understanding.
I nodded slowly. “After our first night together, I kind of fell for him. Even earlier than that when I was sixteen, I fell for him. And that was only after kissing him.”
“Love at first sight?” Sheridan wore a dreamy smile.
“More like love at first fight.” I chuckled.
Sheridan laughed. “Good title for an enemies-to-lovers romance.”
“That’s what this is kind of. Only we’re no longer lovers.” A tear ran down my cheek.
“You’re just frightened, sweetie.”
“I’m terrified of how I feel. When we were together nothing mattered. I flew. It was insane how I was able to transcend the mundane. I abandoned myself to lust.”
“I love the sound of that,” she said, filling our glasses.
“You’re just a wild romantic.” I sniffed.
“And so are you, Bel.”
I sighed. “Even the other night at his penthouse it was like I’d been transported into a world of opulence and unimaginable luxuries. I mean, the floor was heated, and the shower—oh my god, that shower had massage jets washing every part. One even positioned right on my vag.”
Her mouth fell open with glee. “Oh, that would do it, wouldn’t it? One could come from that.”
I laughed. “You’ve got orgasms on the brain.”
“Well, after hearing about you and your multiples, I’m feeling a little envious. Which brings us back to the beginning. Why the fuck aren’t you fucking him right now?” She pulled a pained grimace.
“I’m scared.”
My voice cracked. I hated myself.What happened to me barrelling fearlessly through life?
“That’s not like you. You’re the one that fucked first and thought later. I admired that in you when we were discovering ourselves.”
“I know, and I have the scars to show for it.” I thought of all those reckless drunk fests when I would hook up with some vaguely attractive guy, and the ones that ended up stalking me. “I haven’t exactly gotten it right.”
“Ethan’s classy and sexy, and at least he doesn’t wear his womanising on his designer sleeve.”
“I might go off men for a while and try organising my life a bit better. Make a recording then perhaps think about getting a real job.”
“Music’s your life,” Sheridan protested. “You can’t become one of us. You’re too interesting for that.”
I smiled sadly. “I’d like to be boring for a while. It seems like an easier life. You know, someone who isn’t looking for her next thrill at every corner. I kind of envy those people who are happy sipping tea and chatting about the weather. They seem to smile through their simple lives.”