fallyn
Irefused to let Elliot see me cry, no matter how much his words hurt. I was done putting up with his hot and cold. Done sticking around for the pretty guy who fed me morsels of happiness mixed with scorn. I was so completely done with arseholes.
Regardless of what it cost to change out my ticket, I was flying home today.
I was done here.
The entire ride to the airport, I kept my composure. At the check-in counter, I handed the woman my credit card, and told her to get me on the next plane to Sacramento.
Had I really been starting to fal…
The airline employee gave me back my card, along with a boarding pass and a pleasant smile, and told me to have a nice flight.
I was pretty sure the look I gave her in return was a grimace, but it was the best I had.
The line through security was short this time of day, and I was through within a few minutes. My plane didn’t leave for five hours, but where else was I going to go? I headed in thedirection of my gate, based on the signs, and turned into the first bathroom I came across.
Inside, I locked myself in the farthest stall from the door, leaned against the wall, and let the tears spill out. I shouldn’t be crying over Elliot, but here I was. I couldn’t stop.
I sobbed until I was spent, and the only thing that kept me from crying out was sinking my teeth into the side of my fist. When the tears stopped, I washed my face, not successfully scrubbing away my grief, and walked the rest of the way to my gate.
My mind was numb. I’d managed to push the brief but painful exchange with Elliot to the back of it, and other thoughts could flow in. I settled into a plastic seat, suddenly drained. I should tell Linkgoodbye. None of this was on him, and I was going to miss him.
I sent him a text.I’m heading home. Meeting you was wonderful.
Please don’t mention or ask about him.
I didn’t expect a reply right away—he was working—so when my phone buzzed in my hand seconds later, I almost dropped it.
I hoped to say goodbye, he wrote.
Simple words, but they lodged in my throat, and fresh tears stung my eyes.Me too.
What happened?Link asked.
I couldn’t. If I repeated the conversation, it would be even more real, and I couldn’t deal with the reminder that I’d been starting to trust Elliot. Starting to feel more.Ask him.
Text me when you land.
It was a polite request, but it hurt in the sweetest way.Okay.
I was avoiding my email and all of my online messages. The glimpses I’d caught since yesterday were hatred filled and enough to destroy me with the mood I was in. But I felt like I owed my followers something. I logged on to stream a shortmessage. I faked the smile, and they would know, but it didn’t matter.
“Hey, all. RinCon was a blast.” I almost choked on the conflicting emotions that came with those words. “But it’s time for me to head home. I’ll be offline for a day or two. Don’t break anything I wouldn’t.” I cut the stream short, because now I was thinking about broken things. My career. My heart. Elliot.
I wouldn’t cry in the middle of the airport. I wouldn’t, I wouldn’t, I wouldn’t.
Waiting for the plane, and the flight home, were agony. I couldn’t focus enough to distract myself, and the longer my mind sat idle, the louder the conversation with Elliot played on repeat in my head.
I thought we were…
I thought I might…
I thought he could…
Fuck.
I was going out of my mind by the time I got back to my apartment. It was too late to call my sister, and I couldn’t go online. I found myself calling Link, though I wasn’t sure why he was so high on my list.