“And what things need taking care of with you not being here with your family?”
“Leandra,” he rubs his temples, “I can’t do this now.”
“You don’t have a choice. We’re doing this now,” I demand. “And stop giving me some bullshit excuse about dealing with things. You’re avoiding me. You’re avoiding talking about what happened. But disappearing and pretending we don’t have shit to work through will only make it worse.”
“How in the name of fuck can things get any worse?” he yells, finally looking at me, his eyes wild and fierce, but their radiance is gone. “Tell me how things can get worse, Leandra.”
“By letting it fester,” I snap. “If we don’t fix this now—”
“We?” He arches his brows. “We? There is nothingweneed to fix.”
“How can you say that?”
“Becauseyoudidn’t do anything wrong.” His voice slams against the ceiling. “I fucked up! Not you. Me.”
I stare down at my hands, fidgeting with my fingers. “I don’t think we’re beyond fixing. We still have something worth saving.”
“How? Huh? How the fuck do we fix this?” He slams his fist into his chest. “I hurt you. I fucking hurt you, and I don’t know if it’s something we’d ever get past.”
“First, I’m assuming you’re referring to what happened with Isaia, because you didn’t feel any guilt after getting me pregnant and locking me up in my room. So, no. You didn’t hurt me. Not that day, anyway. Second,” I step forward, both desperation and determination pulsing through my veins, “after what we just shared, after seeing our babies, hearing their heartbeats, knowing we’re having a little girl, I know we can get past it. Just don’t disappear on me again.”
“I had to leave.” His wipes his fingers down the side of his mouth and over his chin. “I had to get the hell away from you because I can’t look at you without thinking about what I almost did, how close I came to hurting the one person I love more than anything in the entire goddamn world.”
“If it’s your conscience fucking with your head, maybe you should try apologizing. It’s the only thing that lulls that inner voice reminding us of our regrets.”
He gives me a deadpan look.
“Yeah, I know.” I cross my arms. “A Del Rossa never apologizes.”
“It was never my intention to hurt you.”
“I know that.”
“I wanted to kill my own brother, for Christ’s sake.” His jaw is clenched as he spits out the words. “And not in some juvenile brother-kicks-younger-brother’s-ass way. I wanted to really kill him. Coat my hands in his blood after tearing his motherfucking heart out. Even now,” he drops his arms at his side, “when you walked in here with him, I nearly cracked my fucking teeth trying not to lose my shit with him again.”
“Alexius, listen,” I step closer, “you need to stop. Isaia is not in love with me.”
He scoffs, placing his hands on his hips.
“He’s really not,” I continue. “He thought he was, but he realized that what he feels for me is a very strong friendship. But it’s not love.” I shake my head lightly. “I can’t explain it, and neither can he, but we’ve had this special bond ever since he walked me down the aisle. But he’s not in love with me, I swear it. To him I’m more like the sister he never had.”
“Somehow that still doesn’t make me want to kill him any less,” he bites out, his jaw clenched. “I don’t think you understand the magnitude of what I feel for you, how protective I am of you, how determined I am to give you everything you want.”
My heart skips a beat.
“Ask me for ashes, and I will burn the world to the ground. Ask me for blood, and I will slaughter every man from here to Bangkok and bring you their hearts. There is nothing I wouldn’t do for you.”
I rush to him, reaching up and cupping his cheeks in my palm. “Just love me, Alexius. That’s all I want.”
“Me loving youisthe problem,” he says, placing his hands over mine. “I didn’t see it before now. Lying to you, switching your birth control and getting you pregnant, I didn’t regret doing that because I love you. Locking you in your room, keeping you here like a captive, I didn’t regret that either because I love you.” He eases my hands from his face, his thumbs pressing gently in my palms. “Beating my brother, holding a gun to his head while fucking you in front of him like you’re nothing but a goddamn animal…I regret thatbecauseI love you.” He scoffs and lets go of my hand, taking a step back as he rubs the back of his neck. “And today, hearing my babies’ heartbeats, seeing their tiny little figures on that screen, finding out I’m having a daughter,” he lifts his brows, a tormented hue of blue glimmering in his irises, “what kind of father will I be to a little girl if this is how I treat their mother?”
To see the pain in his eyes is unbearable; it’s twisting my insides. I want to take it away. I want to touch the sadness I see in him and drown it, destroy and take it away even if it means carrying it myself.
“I know a lot has happened,” I murmur, trying to calm the storm with a gentle tone. “I know it’s going to take time—”
“What is this, anyway?” he interrupts me. “For weeks, all you wanted was to get away from me. And now you, what?” He gestures toward me. “You had a change of heart? A moment of enlightenment?” His voice is laced with sarcasm, and it fucking irks me.
“I was angry, and rightfully so. Yes, you hurt me with everything you’ve done, but while you were gone, shutting me out, I realized that it doesn’t matter what happened or what lines were crossed. I love you. I fucking love you, and nothing will change that.” I stomp my foot, and I’m aware of how childish that might be, but I’m so frustrated, angry, scared, and fucking annoyed because just a few moments ago, I was high on excitement and filled with hope, only to have it squashed.