“Do I need a... A what?”
“Like you know where everything goes, right?”
“Oh, my gosh, yes, I know where everything goes.”
“It’s just that I know you haven’t done this before.”
“Did anybody give you a primer before you... With Alex?”
“No. But the whole thing with Alex was... Alex was there to take care of me. And the situation with us was very complicated. He was sort of... I mean, what I’m trying to say is Alex had an emotional connection to me. Even though it wasn’t the kind of connection we have now. He was not a bar hookup. He was my brother’s best friend. He took the responsibility for taking care of me after he died really seriously. He knew me when I was younger. He... He knew my life story. He knew me. And in some ways... He was the person teaching me? Giving me the talk? I don’t know. It’s hard to describe. But the point is, Alex knew. And unless I’m mistaken, your hot dude does not know that you’ve never...”
“Well, he might’ve guessed.”
“Maybe. But... I’m just... Condoms. You need condoms.”
“I’m sure he has them.”
“Well, you need to use them. And tell him if you like something. And tell him if you don’t like something. And make sure that he makes you come first.”
“How do I make sure of that?”
“I don’t know. Just...tell him you want to.”
“I’mnottelling him that.”
“You can’t be all shy about it. If you’re going to get naked with a guy,” Clara said, “you need to be able to say what you want.”
“I don’t know what I want.”
Clara winced. “That’s not a good sign.”
“I don’t know what I want except I want him. I have never felt this way about another person before. I’ve never wanted to... I have been contorting to make it something different, to make it something more important and more...acceptable since the moment I met him. But the fact of the matter is, I want to take his clothes off of him and lick his body everywhere.”
Clara sighed. “Okay. I release you. I’ll take you home. Because obviously it is time for you to get prepared.”
“I can drive,” she said. “I ended up not having anything to drink.”
“You are heavily under the influence of Wolf. So I’m thinking that I should probably drive.”
They left the bar shortly after that, and Clara drove to her home, then they swapped seats, and Violet drove the rest of the way to her house.
And the whole way, she was questioning herself.
But it was fate. It felt like fate. Because somehow she had ended up in the same bar as Wolf tonight. And he had been trying to forget her, the same as she had been trying to forget him. And that... That mattered. But of course when she got back home, she was worried about her outfit, and if it would be too hard to take off. The idea of him having to peel off her jeans didn’t really appeal. She changed her underwear five times. She changed into three different dresses. But a dress felt like something that would be easy for him to manage. She debated whether or not she should put on some lipstick. But it seemed like it would just come off. Then get everywhere. Which...didn’t seem like the best idea.
Her hands were shaking, and her stomach was tight. Making a sex appointment was a really bad idea. She should have just gone up to his room after they’d kissed in the hall yesterday. It would have felt more spontaneous.
She heard the door downstairs close.
And she froze. She knew that it was him. She came out of her room, padding quickly down the hall, and meeting him at the top of the stairs. She was breathing hard, her whole body on high alert.
Then he wrapped his arm around her waist, hauled her up against him and dragged her right into his room.
He closed the door hard, locking it behind them. Nerves threatened to completely overtake her, but she took a breath, gazing instead at him, and not thinking ahead.
He was so beautiful. His eyes were almost as black as night, his skin brown. His hair was black, cut close to his head, and the way the cowboy hat highlighted his angular features gave him a dangerous appearance. She had thought earlier that he fit his name perfectly, and it was true. He did.
She wondered how he had ended up with that name, and figured he probably didn’t know. Because it probably had something to do with his mother. Who had left him when he was six, and Violet knew all about things like that. All the questions that you wish you would’ve asked, but you didn’t. The relationship that you would like to have had, but couldn’t. The absolute unfairness of it. The gaping holes surrounding your personal history because the person who had brought you into the world hadn’t stuck around to see it through. Hadn’t lovingly placed you in the care of someone who could give you that same sort of life. Had just left. Just abandoned you.