“You didn’t want what?”
“I can’t do it,” she said. “Because it’s Christmas, and Dylan is coming back and everything is sad. Everything is always sad. And life is sad, and you can’t trust it. And Christmas songs are never going to heal the world. They’re never going to fix your life. The season isn’t magic. And even if it was, it’s over. Christmas is over. And we have to be, too.”
“I just told you that we don’t.”
“I can’t do it,” she said. “I just can’t.”
And she got her things together quickly, putting her boots on, and running out the door. Like she wasn’t headed to a place just a few feet away.
CHAPTER NINE
BYTHETIMEJessie got to the house, everyone was sitting in there. Around the Christmas tree. And there was Dylan. Her breath left her body in a whoosh, and she launched herself across the space. “Dylan,” she said, wrapping her arms around his neck, like she always did. Trying to make sure that all of him was here. She had always hated that he had joined the military. She knew that Levi hated it, too, but that he didn’t oppose it, because he didn’t oppose choices they made as adults.
The fact that he had apparently proved when it came to her relationship with Damien.
Damien.
He was acting like he wanted this to be something. And she just wasn’t brave enough to do that.
“Hey,” he said. “Where have you been?”
“Just overslept,” she said. Which was stupid, because she had clearly just come in from the cold. He looked behind her, and she could feel that he was exchanging a meaningful glance with Levi.
“Good to see you,” he said, opting not to make a comment.
“But,” Camilla said, opening her mouth. And Levi reached down and grabbed a cookie off the tray next to them, and shoved it in her baby sister’s mouth.
“Just chill, Camilla,” he said.
“But hnm ummh nrrrrrrh,” she said, her words completely unintelligible.
“It’ll keep,” Levi said.
There were presents, and she opened them. And there was also a little stack of presents that was untouched. Because they were Damien’s. And he just didn’t show. Of course he hadn’t. She had rejected him, except that maybe her having the power to hurt him in some way seemed...unlikely. Ridiculous. But maybe she had. Maybe she had actually devastated him.
She pressed her fists to her eyeballs and tried to take a breath.
As soon as they were done opening presents, and they moved with Levi heading out to start grilling the meat that they would have for dinner, him knocking snow off the barbecue and arguing with Dylan about how they were going to prepare things, Camilla zoomed in toward her like a little gnat to a lamp. “What did you do?”
“What do you mean?”
“Where were you?”
“None of your business,” she said to her little sister.
“Really? None of my business? What were you doing?”
“I just...”
“Did you sleep with Damien?”
“Camilla,” she said.
“That’s my name, not ano.”
She sniffed. “You don’t understand. You are a virgin.”
“And you aren’t,” she said. “Which means something changed, because Lord knows you have just been hanging around hung up on him for years...”