And what was he doing? Fighting to stay his own sad kind of safe. But this was what safe looked like. Being alone on the hill and looking down at the Christmas lights, being all by himself.
But when he looked down on himself, he only saw darkness.
And he wondered if he could possibly ask the woman who had brought all that light into his life to look past it and love him, anyway.
SHEHADLEFT.But not because she was leaving him. She had left because it was Christmas Eve, and she wanted to be with her family. She didn’t want to be sitting in that cabin, stewing in their separation. Stewing in their difference.
Alison clearly knew something was up. And her dad seemed to think so, too. But neither of them pushed.
Clara, on the other hand, was another story.
“He broke your heart again? That’s it. He’s on my last nerve.”
“It’s complicated,” Violet said. “He’s complicated.Weare complicated.”
“Sorry,” Clara said.
They sat down to dinner, and nobody asked. And she was grateful.
She still had her ring on. She wasn’t going to take it off. The fact of the matter was, they hadn’t broken up. It was just that her heart was broken.
And the next morning, when they got up bright and early to open presents, she tried to smile at the excitement of her half brothers, tried to get in the Christmas spirit. She loved Christmas, after all. But she just wished that she was back home. Home at Four Corners. Because it wasn’t the ocean that smelled like home anymore. It wasn’t this house. It wasn’t this town. It was wherever Wolf was. And he wasn’t here.
“Violet,” Alison said slowly. “I think...”
There was a firm knock at the door.
“I’ll get it,” Violet said.
She went to the door and jerked it open and stopped. It was Wolf. His arms laden down with gifts, a wreath slung over his arm. He was wearing a black shirt, a black cowboy hat on his head. He looked dangerous and filled with Christmas spirit all at once. Except his eyes were a storm. Because they were never anything else.
“What are you doing here?”
“Coming to my senses. Coming to you.”
Her heart leaped. She couldn’t breathe.
“Let’s go outside,” she said.
She brushed past him and gestured to the porch swing. “You can set your stuff down.”
He did, all the wrapped packages in boxes, and the wreath, too. “I didn’t figure I better come empty-handed. Not after that bullshit.”
“Yeah.” She crossed her arms. “It was bullshit. You are correct about that.”
“Sorry,” he said. “I’m sorry. I left you twice. And you have been nothing but faithful to me. You tried to show me. From the beginning. What we could have. I wasn’t ready to see it. I was running scared. You were right. The thing is, Violet, I’ve never felt the way that I feel about you...ever. Never before. The strength of it terrified me. Because it wasn’t like we could have sex and I could keep it separate. It wasn’t like we could do any of the things that I was used to. I couldn’t forget you. I couldn’t write you off. I couldn’t do anything but want you. And the more I wanted you the more I wanted to know you. Not just your body, but you. I wasn’t prepared for it. It wasn’t like anything I’d ever experienced. Because you were right. Happy like this, it’s heavy.”
She understood that. All too well. He continued, “Because it’s weighted down with how much I want to love you the way you need to be loved. The way you deserve to be loved. And how afraid I am that I’m going to fall short. That I’m going to disappoint you. And yeah. That I’m going to lose you. And that it’s going to be a pain I’m not going to be able to come back from. That’s why I tried to stop. At sixteen I got so wounded I told myself I was never going to do it again. Not ever. Not because I couldn’t, because I was afraid I could. Just like you said. Knowing... Knowing it could hurt that bad then, knowing that kind of loss could do what it did all those years ago, I never wanted to love anyone again. To love anyone with the kind of love that might be forever. But that’s what I feel with you, Violet. That’s what I feel about you. It is wonderful and terrible. And it is freedom. Because I’m not guarding anything or protecting myself or closing myself off. I’m just feeling. For the first time in...in a long damned time.”
“Wolf,” she said, throwing her arms around his neck. “I love you.”
And he didn’t let thatI love yoube met with silence.
“I love you, too,” he said. “I love you.”
He didn’t get tired of saying it. He said it all through Christmas. And he said it when he decided he needed to ask her dad again if he could have her hand in marriage.
“Cain,” Alison said. “There’s a nervous young man that I believe has a question for you.”