“I don’t love you,” he said. “I loved her. And that was the end. I don’t love you.”
Violet felt the sting of that like a slap. But she also knew that he was lying. Even if it was just to himself. Because this wasn’t the grief of a man who couldn’t get over his first love.
This was just a wounded animal, trying to hurt the thing that had backed him into a corner. Wolf was willing to be mean. He was willing to be hard. Willing to be cruel. She’d already seen it. He wasn’t willing to be soft. He wasn’t willing to be hurt. That was Wolf.
This was easy for him. These wild rampages were how he just pushed people away.
But she wasn’t going to make it easy. She refused.
“Yeah, well, I love you, anyway. And I will be here. We will figure out the remodel. And we will make it work.”
“Be reasonable,” he said.
“You be reasonable.”
“I’m going out.”
He turned and walked out of the cabin, left her standing there. She ate lasagna by herself, and by the time she was exhausted and ready for bed, Wolf still wasn’t home. And he didn’t answer his phone. Didn’t respond to his texts. She went to sleep, and woke up the next morning and he still wasn’t there. In the afternoon he finally returned. He opened the door, and she was still there, and his expression went blank. “Why the hell are you still here?”
“Because I live here,” she said.
“Why won’t you leave?”he asked, his words fraying around the edges. “Why won’t you leave now? Because we know that you’re going to. Eventually. Do it now.”
“I’m not the one who leaves.Youleave. You left me. I’m still here. I’m so willing to give us a chance. But you... You’re just trying to protect yourself. You don’t want to love me because you don’t want to get hurt. I am sorry that your mom left. I feel that pain, Wolf, I really do. I’m sorry that me knowing that pain, that your brother knowing that pain and your sister knowing that pain keeps you from being able to pretend that you are a special, uniquely wounded cupcake. Must be tough.”
“It is,” he said. “It’s damn hard, no matter how you look at it. I’m not playing a game with you.”
“You’re just protecting yourself,” she said. “Because here I am, ready to love you. Sawyer is married, he has a life, but you don’t want that. What exactly are you trying to do? Push me away now so I don’t surprise you with it later? Because that’s stupid. I thought about that. I followed that path. And I asked myself, is there a point where losing you would hurt less? And the answer is no.”
“You cannot possibly know what you’re getting into with me. You cannot possibly want me.”
“Why not?”
“Becausenobodywants me the way that I am. I learned. After Breanna I learned. To play games. To be charming. To be less intense than I am. But I can’t. I can’t, and I know it. I could never have given her what she wanted. She would never have stayed.”
“You don’t know that. You’re just... You’re making up stories. Stories that let you hide. Because that’s what you want to do. And I understand. Because I did the same thing. I told myself that if I put one foot out of line my dad and Alison would question whether or not I was worth it. I told myself that I had put so much into me, that I had to be careful and cautious and the right kind of good. But that was a lie. I could’ve come home pregnant at seventeen and my dad would’ve been on my side. He has always been on my side and he has never shown himself to be anything but on my side. I made it a precarious thing in my head because I wanted to be able to stay safe. I didn’t want to fall for someone. I didn’t want to be in this position. Because I knew that if I did I would fall deep. And that scared me. Because I felt like I’d already been hurt enough. So I do understand feeling that way. But it’s too late. You already love me.”
He practically growled. “I am willing to give you a life. I am willing to take care of you. Why can’t that be enough?”
“Because why should we be what our mothers taught us? They weren’t there to care for us. Why should we let them have a say over how much we get now? I want everything. I want to be loved. Forever. She tried to teach me that I couldn’t be. And I refuse. You should refuse, too.”
“It’s too late for me. Because the thing is, I did try. And it didn’t work then, either.”
“It wasn’t me. Try with me. Because I knew the minute that I saw you... I knew we weren’t going to be able to walk away. I was ready to beg you back then, and I will beg you now.”
“Then you didn’t learn anything.”
And then he turned and walked out again, leaving Violet broken a second time.
And while tears poured down her face she had to ask herself how many times she was willing to break apart for this man’s love.
She thought of their baby. She thought of the future they knew they could have.
And she thought of the man who needed so much to learn that not everybody would leave. And she realized that she would break herself apart as many times as it took.
And even while she sat in the depths of despair, she knew that in some ways she’d won a victory. Oh, other people might not see it. They might not understand it. But inside her heart, hope won.
Love won.