Kash was here. I could feel him.
I wasn’t looking, but I heard the crunch of footsteps on the roof. Fitz was leaving. I could feel him easing back and Kash coming forward. He was coming slow, and the door shut again.
I was tense, waiting.
Nothing.
He didn’t say a word, demand an explanation.
I couldn’t take it.
I was biting my lip.
He needed to say something.
He had every right to be upset with me.
Still.
He said nothing.
God.
Fuck him.
Fuck me.
Fuck everything.
I whirled, tasting a sudden warm explosion of metal, and I knew I’d broken skin. I bit down on my tongue, but I didn’t feel the pain.
I should’ve felt the pain.
He was right there, watching, looking like a goddamn saint. Like he had all the patience in the world. Likeheknew what was going on inside ofme. But that was preposterous. Right?Right?
I meant to offer an explanation, or an apology.
But those words didn’t come out of my mouth.
“She’s gone because of you.”Oh my God!
I reeled on the inside, my actual body skidding back and finding the railing behind me.
I said that?I couldn’t have, but his face shuttered closed. “I know.”
No.
No!
“Don’t be the victim here.” I was shaking my head again and couldn’t control what was coming out of my mouth.
His eyes flared, surprised. “I’m not.”
“Yes, you are.” I burst forward two steps, pointing at him. “You can’t do that. It was your grandfather. If you hadn’t fallen in love with me, then he wouldn’t have…”
What was I saying? Shit. I was cringing, but I couldn’t stop myself and kept going.
“I can’t even say if we hadn’t had sex, because you’re you. I have to say if we hadn’t met, because if I met you, I was going to fall in love with you. So, you. It’s onyou. You loved me. You let him know that. He hurt me to hurt you, and hetook her away from me!”