She took another deep breath, and I said, “Maybe I should call Doctor Hatfield.”
“No. If it’s still bad, I can speak to the nurse at the center.”
“Fine.”
Once she’d made her mind up about something, there was no changing it.
“Let me go load your wheelchair—”
“Zane Thackeray Washington, you will do no such thing… I am quite capable of walking with my stick.”
“Whatever you say, Grams. Let me go freshen up and I’ll bring the car around.”
“Good idea.” She managed to lift her hand and tap my cheek. “You’re a good boy, Zane.” Something passed over her, but I didn’t have the courage to ask what she was thinking. Because I knew it wouldn’t be anything good.
I went into my room and closed the door, giving myself a second to catch my breath. What I really wanted to do was kick the shit out of something. But I couldn’t even do that, because I had to drive Grams to her support group. Besides, it would feel good for about a minute and then reality would come crashing down around me again.
Changing out of my Hawks hoodie, I slipped on a plain black hoodie and sprayed a couple of puffs of cheap cologne to hide the musty smell that came with poor ventilation and damp walls.
When I went back into the living room, Grams was trying to get her jacket on. Watching her struggle was just another knife to the fucking heart.
“Here,” I said, helping pull it over her arms. “There, all set?”
She nodded and I helped her to the door before going to bring the car around. Grams couldn’t quite manage the steps up to the trailer, so I’d installed a ramp over the summer that made things a little easier.
“Such a fancy car,” she said as I helped her into the passenger seat.
“Don’t let Nix hear you say that.” I chuckled.
“You have the address for the center?”
It was a community center on the edge of town, right between Old Darling Hill and the neighboring town. Thankfully, I could drive around rather than cutting through Celeste’s neighborhood.
“It lasts for a couple of hours but I’m not sure I’ll stay the whole time.”
“It’s okay, Grams. I can hang out in the cafeteria.”
“Thank you, that’s very kind of you.”
“You’re worth it.” I flashed her a rare smile.
“One day, dear, you’ll make a young woman very happy.”
My brows crossed because surely, she wasn’t going down this path again. The woman who had always drilled it into me that women couldn’t be trusted, that love was a fool’s game.
“I know you don’t believe me, Zane. But you have so much love to give. You just need to find the right person.”
I didn’t reply, I couldn’t.
Because I didn’t want to disappoint her. I didn’t want to break her heart.
“You know, I won’t be around forever and the thought of you alone—”
“Don’t.” My voice cracked as I gripped the steering wheel tighter because I couldn’t think about that.
I fucking couldn’t.
She let out a small hum of disapproval. But Grams knew I didn’t handle this shit well. Talking about my feelings, my emotions. I preferred to lock that shit down tight and bury my head in the sand.