The girls froze.
“War!” I shouted.
Everyone grabbed a pillow, and chaos ensued. But their shrieks of delight were worth every single feather of the dozens I’d have to pick up later. It meant that my girls were safe. Happy. And I would do everything in my power to keep them that way. Even if I’d failed before.
3
Hadley
As I pulledinto an empty spot at the fire station, my phone buzzed in my cupholder. I swiped it up, reading the text.
Toby:Video is live, and people are freaking! I hear those sponsorship dollars calling…
Me:Your money-hungry nature is really showing.
Toby:What can I say? I’m a capitalist at heart. But, seriously, check it out.
Me:I will. Thanks for editing and uploading.
Toby:Always.
I exited out of my messages and switched over to the app we used.Voyeurhad been steadily growing in popularity, and I wouldn’t be surprised if it reached a YouTube level, eventually. But I liked it better. It was more homegrown, less professional-studio-production quality. Just people posting videos of things they were good at.
Some were more like instructional how-tos. Others were day-in-the-life kinds of things. My videos were a mixture. Some like the one Toby had put up today were highly edited, set to music, and cut in a way that made it look more like an amateur action film. But, sometimes, I went for a simpler approach. I’d taken my GoPro when I hiked a section of the Pacific Crest Trail alone. I’d revealed pieces of my soul in that video, almost like a diary. Something about the anonymity made it so I was completely free to be myself and encourage others to do the same.
I pulled up the latest video on my account and pressed play. I’d give it to Toby: he always made me look like way more of a badass than I actually was. The way he spliced cuts of video together. The music he chose. It was all perfect. I held my breath as I watched the drop down and then the flip.
I could still feel the rush—that moment of complete weightlessness. Watching the landing made my lower back twinge. Not even my brutal ice bath last night had completely relieved the pain.
Toby had more than earned his percentage of any sponsorship dollars that came in on this one. I scrolled down to the comments. I grinned at some familiar screen names leaving a trail of excited emojis and vows to try the trick themselves. There were the usual trolls, too. I snickered at BMXgrl21, who suggested that I might have gained some weight because I wasn’t catching air the way I used to. There would always be haters, and I would always mute that noise.
A knock sounded at my window, and I jumped. Calder’s face appeared. I quickly locked my phone and shoved it into my bag.
“Hey,” I greeted as I climbed out of my SUV. I scanned his face, looking for any clues as to what I might be in for. With Calder, I never knew anymore. Sometimes, I’d get a glimpse at that bond we used to share, but more often than not, I ended up with foe and not friend.
“Hey.” He twirled his keys around his finger. “You and Jones on duty?”
He knew we were. Calder had moved up to lieutenant a few years ago and was now shadowing our captain in hopes of taking over for him when he retired next year. That meant he helped oversee all of the schedules for not just the firefighters but also EMTs like Jones and me.
“Yup.”
Calder’s key-swinging stopped, and his hand fisted around them. “That’s all you’re going to say?”
“What else did you want me to say?”
“Yell at me. Call me a prick.”
I arched a brow. “A prick, huh?”
His lips twitched. “I thought it was a good start.”
I looked up at the man who had once been my closest friend. The person who had understood me better than anyone. It would’ve been easier if I’d thought he was a prick. But I knew why he was how he was now. I knew that it came from wounds that would likely never heal. I still couldn’t give him what he wanted.
I couldn’t take up knitting as a hobby and feel happy and fulfilled. I understood why he’d backed away from biking and the climbing we used to do together. I understood why he didn’t want me doing any of it, either. But I couldn’t change who I was. And where did that leave us? With some sort of tenuous tightrope to walk.
“I’ll let you off the hook if you take kitchen duty for me. I’m supposed to be cleaning up after Mac.”
Calder groaned. “That’s mean.”