“How can you be so sure of that?”
“Because I knowyou.”
She did. Better than anyone. Even Hayes. He and I had a brotherhood that would never be broken. But Hadley and I shared an understanding that ran deeper than friendship. It was one of the soul. And I’d pissed all over that. I wasn’t sure how in the world I could make something like that right.
“You do know me.” I glanced back at the building. “I still have to think about it. Captain would mean a salary increase, less risk, more regular hours.”
“You have a more-than-comfortable life. The girls are used to the pattern you have now. They have plenty of people who love them to spend time with.”
I didn’t look away from Hadley. “And the risk?”
She looked towards the park across the street from the station. “That’s something you’ll have to make your peace with if you want a life that makes you happy.”
“You’re probably right there.” I knew she was. I just wasn’t sure I had it in me to face the demons I needed to in hopes of making that peace.
Hadley’s phone dinged, and she pulled it out of her pocket. “It’s Shiloh. I told her I’d go with her to look at a colt she’s thinking of buying.”
“You guys have fun.”
She shoved her phone back into her pocket. “See you tomorrow?”
“See you tomorrow.” I watched as she walked to her SUV and climbed behind the wheel. Then I forced myself to turn towards my own vehicle. What I really wanted was to tell her to come to my place, say that we’d take the girls for Mexican and watch a movie. But I didn’t have the right to ask for that.
“Calder.” Jackie straightened from where she leaned against a tree in front of my SUV.
“What are you doing here?”
“We need to talk, and I didn’t want to drop by the house in case the girls were there.”
“You didn’t seem to care much about that the other day.”
Jackie toyed with the keys in her hands. “I’m trying to do this the right way.”
“The right way is for you to leave.”
She met my gaze, pleading. “I can’t do that. I’m sorry, Calder. I know I messed up. I’m trying to make things right.”
I ran a hand through my hair, tugging on the ends of the strands. I glanced at Hadley’s SUV, but she was focused on her phone.
“Are you and Hadley seeing each other?”
I stiffened at Jackie’s question. “That’s none of your damn business.”
“I think I have a right to know who’s in my daughters’ lives. She was always hanging around when we were married, just waiting for her shot.”
I moved in closer to Jackie. “If you think attacking Hadley will get you what you want, you’re dead fucking wrong. She was there for the girls when you destroyed them. She was there for me. She picked up the pieces, and you should be kissing her feet for doing it.”
Jackie’s back went ramrod straight. “I’m glad you guys had help.” Her words barely escaped through gritted teeth. “And I will keep apologizing until I’m blue in the face. I’m not giving up, Calder. I need you to give me a second chance.”
I fell back a step, studying the woman in front of me. “You need the girls to give you a second chance, or you needmeto?”
“All of you. I want my family back.”
I searched Jackie’s eyes for any signs that she was high. Glassiness. The size of her pupils. I saw nothing that made me think she was currently under the influence, but it was either that or the woman was delusional. “If I saw that you had your act together and the girls were older and wanted to see their mom, I’d consider supervised visits. But we will never, ever be afamilyagain. We were never one to begin with.”
“That’s not true. Remember our first Christmas after Birdie and Sage were born? We were still in that tiny apartment, but we made a big to-do of it, decorating the tree and giving the girls presents, even though they had no idea what was going on.”
“You can’t paint over an entire history with a handful of happy memories. It’s not happening, Jackie. Get that through your head.”