The side of my mouth kicked up. “Maybe it’syouwho snores.”
“Trust me. You passed out while Hayes was still taking off your boots.”
I winced. “Sorry about that.”
Hadley toyed with the edge of the blanket. “Are you okay?”
“No.” The fact that Jackie could be around any corner had me more on edge than ever. Later today, I’d have to sit down with the girls and explain everything, ripping their world apart yet again. “It’s so damn selfish.”
“Her coming back?”
I nodded, sitting up against the pillows. “If she loved them, she’d stay away.”
“I’m not sure it’s that simple.”
My gaze narrowed on Hadley.
She held up a hand to stop anything I might say. “Trust me, I am not a Jackie fan. I think she used you from day one, and the fact that she put Birdie and Sage at risk makes me want to bitch-slap her into next week, but I also can’t imagine the guilt she has to live with. If I had that kind of weight, I’d want to do whatever I could to make things right.”
I reached out, my fingers lacing with Hadley’s. I needed that point of contact. Something to ground me. “That’s you. Because you have this amazing heart. You’re always trying to make people feel seen and understood.”
I’d seen it a million times with Birdie and Sage. Sometimes, people in the twins’ lives treated them exactly the same. But not Hadley. She met each girl exactly where they were. She celebrated their interests and strengths and helped them not be embarrassed by their weaknesses.
Hadley looked down at our interlocked fingers. “I never want anyone to feel like they should be anyone but who they are.”
Pain flared in my chest. I’d made Hadley feel as if she should change who she was. I’d given her that wound every time I accused her of being irresponsible or reckless. Every time I told her not to do something. “I’m sorry.”
Her gaze jumped to me. “For what?”
“Trying to get you to dial back what you needed. It’s not because I thought that what you were doing was bad.” My fingers tightened around hers. “It’s because I couldn’t bear it if I lost you. I came so close to losing my girls. I saw a glimpse of what might happen if you lost the people most important to you. I wouldn’t be able to take it, Hads. I need you safe and whole.”
She blinked rapidly at me. “Why didn’t you just explain that? I wouldn’t have stopped, but at least we could’ve talked about it.”
“I was drowning. All of a sudden, I was a single parent. Sage was still recovering from the accident. I had to work. There were meals and laundry and a million other things. And all I saw was danger everywhere. All the ways someone could get hurt. How I might lose someone. I was just trying to stanch the bleeding.”
Hadley leaned forward, her head resting on my sternum. “I’m sorry. So sorry you felt that way. But I don’t know where we go from here. I can’t stop doing what I love to help your demons. I’d be miserable, and it would weigh down our friendship.”
I glided a hand down her hair, letting my fingers tangle in the strands. It was the softest thing I’d ever felt. “We take it one step at a time. I’ll try not to ask you to stop things.”
Hadley sat up, looking into my eyes. “And I’ll try to understand where you’re coming from when you’re an overbearing ass.”
I barked out a laugh. “Sounds like a deal. Shake on it?”
I held out a hand, and Hadley took it.
“Deal.” She bounded off the bed. “Now, feed me.”
That, I could do. Our problems weren’t magically gone. We had so many things to weed through and untangle. But I wasn’t walking away from Hadley like I had before. Doing that had left me only half-alive. Walking through life but not really living it. That had to change. And Hadley was a part of that.
13
Hadley
I shotCalder a grin as he rubbed at his temples. The clatter and noise of families and friends as they ate wasn’t exactly a great environment for someone with the hangover from hell, but it had been Calder’s idea to go to The Cowboy Inn. It was the most popular breakfast spot in town for tourists and locals alike.
Our waitress poured coffee into Calder’s mug.
“Thank you, Angie. You’re a godsend.”