“Hmmm?” I ask, her voice bringing me back to the present.
Could she sense the change taking over? My darkness settling in? She turned her body around and straddled my thighs then wrapped her arms around me.
“Ye told me before not to run. How can I cage yer demons if ye keep yer distance? Let me in, love.”
Love.That word rang in my ears and dampened the anxiety forcing its way to the surface. Our eyes connected and my heart melted from her dark-sea gaze.
The feelings crashed over me before I could tamp them down, a sob escaping through my parted lips.
Then another.
And yet, another.
Fuck! what is wrong with me? I’m a Marine, we have to stay strong, I can’t be doing this…
But I was.
Tears filled my eyes, long guttural tortured cries of agony escaped me with no way to control them.
Her hands cup the back of my head, her strong tone whispering, “Shhh. It will be alright. Let it out.”
My body shakes against her as the vision’s plays out in my mind of what it wants me to remember.
The flames. The high pitched alarm. Waiting on radio calls. The rapid gunfire. The constant boom, boom, Boom,BOOM. The damn ringing in my head. The shouting. The explosions. The fire. The screams of my men. The blood,oh, God, the blood.
*Whisper*Owen…
“I’m here, love. It’s okay.” Her sensual voice has me clawing my way to the surface, wanting to break free from these chains my demons trapped me in. “I’ve got ye. I will always be here.”
She held me through it all, long after my sobs dissipated.
The memories you have of Owen shouldn’t die. Let him live through you. He has so much to give, even with him gone. Think of Ellie.There goes that angelic voice again. Where has this being rested? Dormant inside me, and why only now has it made its presence known?
It’s time Lili know what happened. You can trust her.
I released a shaky breath, the same time her hands sift through my hair, wordlessly encouraging me to continue only when I’m ready.
“Ford, Shark, and I, we lost our brother, Owen three years ago this month,” I whisper from the crevasse of her neck, my throat constricts with the onslaught of fresh tears, “and it feels like it were only yesterday.”
That soft tone of hers and the soothing glide of her fingers through my hair sends shivers throughout my body.
“He isn’t gone, Alexander. Owen lives inside ye, he breathes even now – the memories you have of him can live on. No one can take him from ye.” Her pulse is strong and steady as mine tries syncing with it.
Lili truly knows who I am, what I need, and how I desire to be loved. As long as she loves me – that is all I ever need.
I kept silent and allowed her words to sink in. The more I think about these previous years, the more I can see the truth in her words and how much I have bottled the good memories inside, intermixed with the negative.
He’s been with me all this time; Owen is one of the reasons I boughtHarbor’sEdge, and how I ended up adopting Hank. He’s here with me through my brothers as well as his wife Natasha, and most importantly, his almost four-year-old daughter, Eleonora.
Owen may not be physically here, but he is still very much part of mine and so many other’s lives. We are here making our daily decisions based on the memory of our fallen brother. We should be doing things to better ourselves, things that he’d be proud of, not drinking ourselves into an early grave.
In a way it’s like he sent me my siren to watch over me and love me for all my flaws, and also to keep me in check. If anyone can help me get through my worst days, it’s Lili.
Brett Young’s,In Case You Didn’t Knowstrums through the speaker making Lili hum along ever-so beautifully, her siren call has me sighing and relaxing into her.
Her eyes rake over my visage, seeing right through my façade as my head shifts away from her shoulder, “what is occupying in yer mind?” She asked as her hand continues in my hair andGod, it feels really damn good to have her this close to me again.
Our time together is better than any therapy session I’ve had since coming home. Holy shit does it hurts like amotherfucker, but I’m beginning to see the light, and what a blinding sight it be.