Resentment struck then. Whenever Owen and I sparred he’d yell at me, tell me to quit hitting like a girl. Owen never experienced a punch from my sister. Trust me, girls can hit just as hard.
She grinned as she stood, set the washcloth in the sink, then said she’d be right back to get the tub in the master bathroom filling.
I watched her leave, my mind in a fog of being hungover and depleted of just about all my willpower. No desire to move, I just sat there, not wanting to face reality, or the cost it carries.
She knows something is wrong. I’ve shut her out for more than a few days, unwilling to show her the true hand I’ve been dealt. Yet again, I have not kept my promise to tell her how beautiful she is, each and every day.
See? This Marine can never keep a promise.
I’m a mentally deranged man, plagued by darkness, guilt, and fury. How much can one man take before crashing? Am I to that point yet? How alone can I stand to be until I break?
You’re not alone anymore. Lili is willing to stand beside you. Let her in, Zander.
This voice responding to my questions is new, calm, and positive, and not the dark demons for once. Still I am hesitant, however this new voice wouldn’t relent. It demand I change my tune.
What do I have left to lose?
Body aching, stiff, and tired, I pushed myself to get off the tiled floor to find the woman who hopefully would hear my apology.
She is my rock through this fight. Liliana Hayes is so much stronger than I will ever be, but maybe, if I bask in her light, feel her warmth upon me, one day I might be half as brave as she.
Shuffling down the hall to the other bathroom, the sound of water splashing as it filled the tub wasn’t the only thing drawing me in; Lili’s siren call is there, singing along with Three Days Grace’sLost In Youas it plays softly on the portable speaker; her tone takes on a gentler cover of the ballad, my body aching at needing her close.My heart skipped at her selecting the right song to sing at the right time… How did she know?
She knows you, Zander. Let her in. It’s time you tell her about your deployments, how you acquired your scars, and about Owen.
“Lili.” My voice breaks as I lean against the door frame and find her sitting on the edge of the tub, her hand wisping around in the water as she sings sweetly. A true siren come to take me away. That gentle smile is all I need from her. Why have I denied myself? I have to tell myself it wasn’t me who shut her out, but my demons.
What a sorry excuse.
After brushing my teeth a few times, the song switches to Elton John’sDon’t Let The Sun Go Down On Me,and Lili continues with her reciting the lyrics as she shuts off the taps then strides to stand in front of me.
“Lili, I’m sorry-
Her finger pressed to my lips, halting my apology, “stop.” She whispers and eyes me expectantly, “Let me love ye, Alexander.”
She moves in close, chest to chest, and shifts her hand from my lips to cup my unkempt scraggly jaw. My eyes close, body visibly relaxing into her touch.This is what I needed all along, her.Again, why did I deny myself? Why did I push her away?
I lean in and place a kiss to her lips, one full of emotion, heartache, and hidden agony. She can sense all of it; I can feel her drawing it out of me and taking it into herself. Then reality came crashing back and I break our kiss.
*Tired* “I have to get to the bar.” I need to call Maddie and give her a heads’ up. I grimaced when I caught sight of the time on the docking station. It’s damn near ten a.m.Shit, I’m running really late today.
“Ye are goin’ nowhere.” Lili barks her protest, “I’ve taken care of it.” She points to my shorts, “take them off, now. Get in before the water gets cold.”
I shake my head, ready to drop my drawers, “so demanding.”
“I’ll show ye demandin’. Just ye wait.” Her hands go to her hips.
I chuckle at her sass, I’ve missed it, “whatever you say, mistress.” I drop my shorts and catch her approving stare as it skirts across my body. Then an idea hits me, and I pull her into me, “you – strip, too. You’re joining me in this tub.”
That grin of his about did me in.
Once settled in a comfortable position, her back to my front, we sat there, caressed and cleaned one another, and silently expressed our devotion as our love playlist continued.
I give Lili props, she tried being the big spoon, however, having her behind my larger body, it didn’t fit right. So, she tucked herself between my legs, her ass resting almost right where I wanted it, and her hands stroked my thighs. She was ensnared in my hold, unable to be let go, stuck with me as I am to her.
As we took turns with the washcloth, my demons had plans of their own as bits and pieces of last night flashed through my mind, making my heart race, my body tense.
“Don’t run.”