Caleb takes a long breath in. He releases it slowly before he starts. “I have only wanted you…just you, not the slutty version of you. I’m sorry for the looks at other girls, but they only have my attention briefly. They want attention dressing like a slut? Fine, I’ll look, but I don’t want them. I don’t want other guys to think that way about you.” He comes in closer to me, brushing my cheek with the back of his hand. “You’re better than that. I love you, and I don’t like others wanting what I have.”
He said he loves me, but the hurt and embarrassment of his calling me a slut linger. I feel scattered.
“I can’t believe you called me a slut. That’s really shitty of you.”
“You’re right, it was shitty of me. I’m sorry,” he says bringing his face in closer to mine. I can feel his breath. “Like I said, I love you, and I don’t want people to get the wrong impression of you.” He holds my face in his hands and kisses the tip of my nose. “Do you forgive me? Because I want so badly to kiss you right now.”
“I love you too.” I say, knowing I do have such strong feelings for him.
The way we exchanged this important sentiment feels tainted. I want to kiss him, to erase all the doubts I have of him from last night and today, but I decide to address another concern.
“Hold on, one more thing,” I place my index finger on his lips to stop his advance. “Preston is my friend. We have been friends since middle school, and he is a part of my life. I hope you can accept that.”
“I can accept that as long as he knows you are mine.”
“If I am yours, does that mean you are mine? And does Emily know this too?”
“Emily is just a friend. That’s it.”
“That didn’t answer my question. Does she know that you are mine? Fair is fair.” I am trying to read his face, but his expression is unwavering. He is dancing around the question without answering directly.
“Yes, she knows I am yours.”
That’s when I move in. Our lips connect, and our arms quickly encircle the other. I want to hold on tightly, not wanting to let this feeling go. When we are alone, he is gentle and caring, but I have trouble gauging his temperament when we are drinking and with others.
“I am taking you out tomorrow for a real date. We are going to spend the day together to forget last night and today.” Caleb says smiling.
6
I arriveat the gym just as a yoga class is about to begin and notice the girl with the fiery red hair talking with a couple of people in the class. When class ends, I’m distracted by thinking of a good introduction, and I run right into her as I turn around to exit the supply closet.
“Sorry, I don’t know where my mind is today,” I apologize quickly.
“No problem. I’m the one creeping and invading space,” she says smiling.
I extend my hand, introducing myself.
“Lena,” she says taking my hand.
As I debate whether I should ask her for coffee or a smoothie, she says, “I’m done for the day and going to grab a bite to eat. Wanna join?”
“Sure. Where to? Do you want to be bad or good?”
“Bad, of course! Why work out if we are going to be good?” she says jokingly with a guilty grin.
We decide on a small restaurant a few blocks away. Talking to her is easy. She is outgoing, open, and friendly, so we never have a quiet moment. We talk about everything from celebrity gossip to classes, families to our current living arrangements.
“Oh my god! We need to live together! I don’t have a roommate and you don’t like yours… It’s perfect!” She says loudly, bouncing in her seat. “What do you think?”
A smile creeps on my face. “I would love to!” I answer honestly. I get a good vibe from her, and I miss having girlfriends around. “I guess we need to talk to the housing department. Huh? Do you think they will be okay with the move?”
“I don’t see why not. They aren’t moving shit around…we are! Let’s go to my apartment so you can see your new room.”
* * *
“Lookslike I’m moving and getting a new roommate,” I say to Caleb before class.
“Why?”