“Shh…” he said, drawing me into the lounge room and then pushing me down to sit on the floor. I became hyper aware then, of where he was, of where he was moving, as he settled on the couch behind me. Strong hands landed on my shoulders, making me jump, but right as I was going to protest, two thumbs dug into the tight muscles of my neck.
“Ohh…”
I’d had people try to give me massages before. Usually they either used sharp pointy elbows going where I hurt the most, or hands that rubbed nicely, but didn’t do much. Ben’s fingers sunk into my muscles, forcing them to release with each sweep.
“Just let me look after you,” he said. “I know you want to fight me, fight this, but just let me do this. I need to so fucking much, Lily. Since we reconnected, since I breathed your scent in again, it's all I can think about. I can feel your tension and your fear, your anger and frustration. I can feel everything you need and it kills me when I can’t do anything about it.”
He was arguing too long and too hard, but, really, he didn’t need to say anything at all. My head sank forward, my arms going to my knees. I wasn’t going to fight this, not when his fingers found and dug into every single knot with laser like precision.
“Good girl…” he hissed, shuffling closer, then he really went to work.
Chapter 30
I was boneless when he lifted me up and put me on the couch beside him. He’d worked his way all the way up my back, from the aching lumbar, all the way to that persistent tension in my shoulders. My muscles felt long and loose right now, so when he fitted me into his side, I was more liquid than solid, moulding my body to his. I heard the click of the TV and some low mumbling dialogue, but couldn’t pay too much attention to it, not as his hands continued to roam.
At first, he just stroked his hand up and down my arm, the warm electrical feeling that came from it lulling my mind into a stupor as my body came alive. I should’ve straightened up, walked him out, said goodbye at the door and then gone to my lonely bed, ready to get some sleep. I should’ve thanked him for a lovely dinner and talked to him about either picking up Evie or taking her to school. I should’ve discussed how we were going to manage his brothers getting to know our daughter, about Reed’s confession. There were so many practical, smart things I should’ve been doing. But whatever spell Ben was weaving, he spoke to the animal side of my body. One that liked pleasure and being petted and just wanted more.
“More?” he rumbled, and I frowned slightly at that. I hadn’t said that aloud, had I? “I know what you need, Lily.” His hand slid up my arm, his whole palm spanning my collarbone, then my neck as he cupped my jaw. “I want to give it to you, all of it.” His hand moved again then, sliding down, sweeping back and forth, a path created between my throat and my sternum. “I just need to know if you’re ready for that.”
That?I frowned slightly; the word tossing around and around in my head to try and discern his meaning. Then he made it clear. His hand moved slowly, so slowly, giving me more than enough time to stop him, as it smoothed over my blouse and with it the upper swell of my breast.
My breasts were strange things. Sometime feeders of my baby daughter, sometime objects of pleasure for my lovers. I could never tell if their response was going to be the ‘ow, ow! No, god, not like that!’ sort of reaction or something more like this. It felt like my skin, my flesh, was remade somehow by his touch, my breasts swelling to fill his hand, my nipple diamond-hard.
“Fuck, you have the most beautiful tits,” he rumbled, but I couldn’t respond.
Not with words, anyway. My attention was entirely on his touch, his hand, feeling his fingers sink into my softness, the contrast between us seeming to delight him, if his low grunt and rasping breath meant anything. I wanted, needed it to slide further down, to cover the point where I ached the most and tug it until it hurt that little bit more, giving me the edge to my pleasure that I craved, and he chuckled when I shifted restlessly.
“Settle, beta,” he told me. “I’ve got you.”
A little whine set up in the back of my throat, barely discernible right now until his hand swept over my nipple. His fingers moved now, no longer so slow and ponderous, testing the shape of my breast, the softness, before narrowing down on those aching points.
“Ben…” I gasped as his fingers plucked at the tip.
“That’s it, beta, keep calling my name.”
I’d have called him anything he damned well wanted if he kept doing this. I felt so fucking sensitive, almost like that knife-edge tenderness that came with my period, but so much better. I felt a wash of pleasure at the first sweep of his fingers, but with the next and the next, I began to squirm.
“Ben…?”
Something inside me questioned this, questioned my response, a wave of heat washing over me, followed quickly by another, each tide brought forth by the alpha.
“Ben…!”
A sharp little exhalation as his fingers tightened to the point that should’ve caused pain and I began to move restlessly in anticipation.
“Shh…” he said, low and reassuring. “You’re alright. Everything will be alright.”
He kept saying that as he undid the buttons of my blouse, then pulled it out of my pants, then again as he pushed the cup of my bra up. His fingers felt too hot, too immediate as they landed on my skin. It felt like I could feel every striation on his thumb and forefinger as he grasped my nipple again, rubbing the hard point between them until the pleasure bloomed.
“Good girl…” he rumbled. “You’re such a good girl. You need me to please you and you’ve been fighting it for so long, but now you’re gonna let me give you what you need. You don’t have to hold out anymore, not now. I’m here, Lily, and I’m not going anywhere until it’s done.”
He shifted underneath me, his other hand rougher as he shoved my top and bra to one side, uncovering the other breast as well. My skin felt too hot, too swollen as I moved, my eyes rolling back, my head resting in his lap as I blindly presented myself to him.
“Fuck, the things I want to do to these,” he growled as his fingers began to bite down, little electrical pulses of pleasure shooting through me with every tug. “I’ve dreamed about you pressing them tight around my cock. You’d do that for me, wouldn’t you, beta? Let me push myself into all that softness and then come all over them, marking you as mine. I’d rub my cum into every inch and then tease these sensitive little nipples until you were screaming for more. I want them pressed into my face, my mouth going from one nipple to another. Then I’d want to cover them with my hands as I put you on your hands and knees, digging my fingers into all this softness as I fucked you hard. Would you come on my cock if I did that? Would you give me your pleasure?”
I couldn’t form words then, a fire having flared up inside me, ready to burn me whole. My thighs scissored together, the sensation of my now sodden folds rubbing against each other giving me a little relief, but not enough.
“You need me, beta,” he insisted, pulling one hand free to slide it over my bare stomach and then under my jeans. It was a tight fit, but he forced his hands between my thighs, his blunt fingers finding my clit on auto-pilot. They slid through the slick mess, then stroked back and forth in a way that gave me exactly what I’d wanted and reminded me of what more I could have.