Alec shed the protective brother act once I pried about his attitude on Friday and what made him drink so much.
Why should I feel bad about doing exactly what boys do? Lucas made me feel good. And he didn’t press my boundaries again. Hooking up with him doesn’t make me some whore and him a hero. Double standards are archaic bullshit.
The only thing wrong with the weekend was lying to my parents about where I was and what happened.
They believed me when I explained Blair and I took a hike and got caught in the storm on a trail. I kept my hair down to hide the hickeys dotting my neck, courtesy of Lucas. Those weren’t the only ones he left on my skin.
Should I be more open with my parents? Maybe. Still, I can’t bring myself to run the awkward gauntlet of boy talk with them.
Not only did I have Lucas to lie about, but the accident, too.
Lucas offered to pay for the scrape on the passenger side of the CR-V. He said Devlin had a guy that did good body work. I didn’t want to owe him, but I also had no way to pay for the damage and I needed to hide it from my parents.
The kindnesses he offers paint a picture of a different person than the one I skirt in the halls at school. I don’t know which one is the real Lucas, but I know which one I prefer to be around.
The few times he sees me, he doesn’t come after me like I expect. The hunter’s look is back in his eyes, though. It’s more intense now. I think he might be waiting for me to come to him this time.
I vow to focus on school and my photo project until I straighten out the tangled thoughts in my head.
* * *
I get back from my shoot after dark. Mom and Dad’s cars are gone. Mom has a night shift at the hospital and Dad’s gone camping for the weekend. There’s an unfamiliar car in the driveway that must belong to one of Alec’s friends.
“I’m home,” I call as I come in the door.
“I ordered pizza,” Alec yells.
It sounds like he’s down in the basement where he’s turned the finished space into his cave.
I swing by the kitchen to grab a lukewarm slice of pepperoni and nibble on it as I trek up the steps to my room. I elbow open the door, grunting as I sling my camera bag over my head and set it down by my desk. I turn around to grab the laptop from where I left it on my bed and freeze.
Lucas sits on the end of my bed in jeans and a black hoodie.
“Jesus Christ.” I clutch at my chest where my heart skipped fifty beats at the unexpected sight of him. “You could’ve given me a heart attack. Why are you sitting all quiet in here?”
“I was waiting for you to get back. I haven’t been here long. Maybe ten minutes.”
He seems distracted. Quieter than usual. His attention flits around my room, taking it in.
“And you had to do that in my room?” I shove the rest of the pizza crust in my mouth. “Who let you in here?”
“Alec. I came to see him and he said I could wait up here for you.”
My eyes narrow. My room is my sanctuary and I don’t like people in it without my permission. Alec is dead.
The annoyance simmers away when Lucas shifts, playing with his hoodie pocket. It occurs to me that he appears less self-assured. It’s what’s off about him, tugging at my expectations and instincts.
I leave him be to retrieve my laptop and download my images from the shoot. There’s a comfortable silence for a few minutes.
When Lucas speaks again, it makes me jump. It’s not out of fear, but because I was absorbed in selecting images to add to my project.
“I like the bold lines in your photos.”
The deepness of his voice washes over me with his proximity. He stands behind my desk chair, leaning over me to see the screen. His familiar woodsy scent envelopes me.
I’m a little taken aback that he understands some of the concepts of composition.
“Did you look that up online to say to me?”