“I thought with me being a foster brother, with me and Joe being such good friends, that it was a little creepy that I wanted you.”
That almost made her smile. If he’d been creepy, so had she. “It’s not creepy. It’s not like we were raised as brother and sister. And we’re not related.”
He nodded, eyes serious. “I know. But because I hadn’t ever said anything about my feelings for you, it made it feel wrong. And then I worried about Joe thinking I was scum.”
Tansy stiffened, and Sam frowned. “What happened there? I’m missing something. Tell me what I’m missing. Why does that upset you so much?”
Tansy debated saying anything. She was good at closing up and closing others out. But this was Sam. Her Sam. So she dug deep and looked down at her hands. “It hurts that Joe’s feelings about us are more important than mine. That you think he has the right to make a decision about me, but I don’t.”
“Oh, shit. No, that’s not true. It didn’t even cross my mind that you would feel that way.” Sam reached up and caressed her jaw, but she couldn’t look up. Not with silly tears in her eyes.
Sam switched back to holding her hands. “I’m an ass. I was so wrapped up in my worry about being a creep that I screwed up. I’m so sorry, Tans. The last thing I want to do is hurt you. And I did.”
Tansy still didn’t say anything, didn’t have the words.
“I was completely caught up in you and the magic we were sharing. You were actually kissing me back and then watching you explode with pleasure almost had me losing it like a fourteen-year-old with a skin magazine. I wanted to strip you and pound into you right there. I wanted to toss you over my shoulder and find the nearest soft surface because our first time shouldn’t be in a kitchen.”
A kitchen didn’t sound bad to her. She’d have felt better than she did now. “Instead, you backed away and shoved my clothes at me. I’m a scientist, Sam, I believe the evidence.”
Sam flinched at that. “And the evidence told you I didn’t want you enough.” He swore creatively, then heaved out a sigh. “I’m an even bigger jerk than I thought.”
She didn’t respond to that.
After another minute of silence, Sam squeezed her hands. “It’s late. Why don’t we shut down and lock everything up here? We’ve still got a hike back to the lodge. Or do you want to kick my ass here and leave me for the wolves?”
That made her smile a bit, and she finally looked up. His eyes were sincere and full of sorrow. “I’m done for tonight. We can go.”
When she stood, he did as well, and pulled her in for a hug. A completely platonic hug that soothed some of the rough edges.
Sam kissed her hair and held on for a long minute.
“Okay, let’s go. And maybe you could point out some landmarks on the way. Took me an hour longer than it should have to find your fort this time.”
She laughed softly and stepped back. “Deal.”
Sam wanted Tansy to yell at him, maybe even take a swing. Anything would be better than the hurt and sadness he’d put in her eyes.
Of course, Tansy didn’t do either of those things. She’d retreated inside herself like she always did. Because he truly was an ass.
The sun had set, and the forest was almost completely dark beneath the trees.
Tansy took a rechargeable flashlight out of its slot before they locked up the cabin and headed out.
“Do you sleep out here?”
Tansy turned the flashlight to the ground and started walking. “Sometimes. It depends. Time doesn’t have much meaning when I’m working on my own hours.”
Which probably meant she worked through the night when she was caught up in a project. Not surprising, as Tansy’s focus was the stuff of legend in their family.
Watching her work on her computer while she’d input her findings from her experiment had brought back lots of warm memories.
She was fascinating in so many ways. Her agile brain absorbed more than most, and when she input her findings into a computer program, she was like one of those cartoon scientists. Fingers flying, eyes focused and intent.
Gorgeous.
And he’d made her feel less.
“Were you working on the hologram program? Can you tell me how it’s going?”