“I can’t. I don’t know how it ends yet.”
“Well, maybe I could help.”
He shook his head. “It’s the story of us, Jules.” His voice wavered a little. “Or my version, at least. Let me keep writing, for as long as I can.”
I cocked my head, seeing the intense expression on his face. I understood now the chaotic nature of creating a pack. It brought everyone’s emotions so close to the surface, we all walked around raw and vulnerable. I didn’t want to sit here, pronounce judgement on the complex man I was starting to get to know. I wanted everyone to go away, so I could lie down beside him as he read what he’d written so far. I wanted to bury my face in his hair and smell his scent. I wanted to argue about whether or not a book really was a reverse harem if two men were in love with each other. I wanted to hold his hand and look into his eyes and say nothing at all, until whatever was going on between us had a chance to settle.
Instead, I said, “OK,” and got to my feet. “I accept his offer.”
“You can take some of them up on their offers to have a bit of fun,” Slade said at my shoulder. “You haven’t had the opportunity to run wild, like Lisa has.”
Another hot guy laid himself at my feet, promising me everything in return for some of my time. He was gorgeous, and had this dark smouldering thing going on. When he looked up, his eyes had a twinkle in them that promised to satisfy my deepest, darkest fantasies. I stared into them as he held out his token: a beautifully wrought silver bracelet, but while he was just gorgeous, they all were. I felt strangely numb towards all of these guys. Would I want them in my pack? I didn’t know.
“I can’t accept anyone else’s tokens right now,” I said, watching the man’s face fall as I did so. “Sorry, Ned?”
“Ed,” he corrected me.
“Sorry, Ed. You are beautiful, and maybe something amazing could happen between us. But right now, I think I’m at max, emotionally. I can’t see any of you clearly enough to make a decision whether or not to accept you. Do I need to get through these petitions now?” I looked around to where Kelly stood there stiffly. I forged on nonetheless. “Can I leave it until later, when I’m feeling a bit more clear-headed? I really need some time to adjust to what’s happened today.”
Silence fell over the party. It was only the squeeze of Slade’s hand that stopped me from getting up and retreating inside.
“That’s not normally—” she began.
“I’d be amenable,” one of the matriarchs said. “My Ed is a lovely boy. I
f she needs to take some time to consider him properly, I think it worthwhile.”
“Yes, well, that’s going to mean that—” Kelly said.
“Kelly, with all due respect,” Asher said, “we don’t have enough women to satisfy the men. What was often a temporary thing is now starting to become permanent, as well you know.” I frowned, not sure what that meant, until I saw all eyes slide over to where Jack and Hawk stood. It took a minute for him to realise, so I got to see the transformation of a comfortable Jack—standing there with a beer in his hand and chatting with Hawk and Shaun—to a tense Jack, with his back stiffening, his chin lifting, and his eyes hardening as he noted the attention. I wondered if it was just me that saw his hand slip down into the thin space between him and Hawk, one finger stretching out to make contact with the other man’s thigh.
“Julie, you are in a position of power here,” Asher continued. “What you ask for is not unreasonable, but petitioning cannot become too prolonged. Part of what keeps the peace here is that all men who wish to present themselves get the opportunity to do so. It appears this will be a lengthy process.” Her eyes scanned the group. “I say we halt things for today and meet at Council to discuss how to move forward.”
"Agreed," several of the other matriarchs said, and then it appeared it was all done. I found myself letting out a long breath as people started packing up and readying to head home. Some of the guys looked pissed, but with some cajoling from the others, they retreated, off to petition for another day. Finally, it was just Kelly, Finn, Brandon, Aaron, Slade, his family, and Jack, Hawk, and Shaun, still standing in their little cluster.
Kelly appeared to shake herself, her eyes flashing with irritation, but she eventually nodded and said, "Enjoy your first night with your mate, Julie. We'll talk again, soon. Jack?"
"Just got something to talk through with Julie," he said.
"Come away, Jack. You've meddled enough for today."
He and his guys had drifted closer now that the back yard was almost emptied.
"Yeah, and I say I've still some more to do before the night ends. Leave it, Mother."
I watched her stare at her son, her fingers curled up tight into fists. She could have used that alpha whip of a voice on him, forced him into compliance, and I could see what it took to stop herself from doing just that. Did he respect that at all? I wondered as I looked into his face, it was a mask of pure defiance.
"Fine," she grated, and then turned on her heel to leave.
That stillness I'd craved before settled over the back yard. The moon had risen, and now that it wasn't drowned out by people talking, I could hear the hush of the breeze in the trees and the distant sound of birds calling. My spine sagged, like I'd run a marathon or something, and I guess emotionally, I had. I rubbed at my face. It was almost too much to process right now.
"So that's it?" I looked up to see Shaun standing near the other guys. "No more petitions?"
Shit, I'd forgotten all about Shaun. I felt a pang at that. He'd been the first guy I'd connected with here, the memory of him curled up on the porch of the honeymoon cottage covered in blood flashing up. How had I forgotten him?
You didn't go to him when you were disturbed, my Tirian said. You did not seek his strength. There was almost a sneer in that last statement. You did not feel his absence during the petitioning.
So what are you saying? That I'm just not that into Shaun?