I went to school, but I couldn’t connect with anyone, because I never knew what they were talking about. I also had tattered clothes and shoes, and I always looked at the other kids with envy. It wasn’t because of what they were wearing, or that they always came into school talking about the fun things they’d done over the weekend, or the cartoons they’d watched, but it was because I wanted my parents to be more like their parents. There’s always that funny moment as a child, isn’t there, when you start to realize that maybe your parents don’t know best, but you can’t do anything about it because you’re just a kid?
Anyway, so I was a lonely child and I didn’t have much of anything else to play with, other than my imagination, so that’s what I used. It wasn’t until I started getting a little bit of pocket money, that I was able to go and spend it on cinema tickets. I used to go there every Sunday afternoon, when it was cheapest, and watch all the old movies. Usually it was just me, there with a load of other people. There weren’t many kids who wanted to go and see black and white films with people who talked funny on the screen, but I went to see them as much as I could, because it was my escape. It was the one time of the week when I felt like I belonged, and I felt as though the people on the screen were talking directly to me. That’s why I like movies so much and, I just…I always wished that I could live in a movie, because everything seemed so much simpler.”
“I guess I can understand that. What happened with your parents? Are they still around?”
“They are, but I don’t see them much anymore. Dad did one article for someone and he started to get obsessed with it, so much so that he couldn’t concentrate on anything else, and Mom’s work wasn’t enough to pay for everything. Dad was too stubborn to get another job, and to this day I’ve never understood why, but they decided that their time in the city was at an end. Thankfully, by this point I was old enough to get a job myself, so I said goodbye to them and sent them on their merry way. I haven’t seen them in years.”
“Don’t you miss them?”
“Sometimes, but a lot of the time they were more trouble than they were worth. I guess, I learned that not everyone is made to live in this world, and it’s better that they get to pursue their own interests, rather than being boxed into somewhere they don’t fit. I do get letters from them, from time to time. Last I heard, they were living in some commune, somewhere. They keep saying I should visit but…I don’t know…”
“It might do you some good to see them, now that you’re not a child anymore. It’s impressive that you’ve done so well for yourself, when you haven’t had them for support. You should take great pride in that.”
I barked out a laugh. “I wish I could take all the credit, but it’s not really that impressive. There was this man, Andy. I met him not long after my parents left. I was feeling lonely and isolated, and I guess I just wanted to feel like I was a part of the world again, just like I’d always wanted. I was desperate to be a part of a group and to share things with people, so maybe I was a bit naïve and rushed into it.”
“I take it things didn’t work out?”
“Not exactly, he….well, things were good in the beginning, but, over time, he started to reveal his true nature. Have you ever been with someone who hasn’t been who they said they were? That’s what it was like…over time, I just looked at him and I wondered who he’d been all this time. Then he started to get rough with me. He grabbed me and dragged me around the place, and he belittled me.” My words choked and I wiped a tear away from my eye. “Sorry, it’s just…I don’t like talking about it.”
“It’s okay. Would you like me to find him and kill him?”
For a moment I thought Dalton was serious, but then I saw the twinkle in his eyes.
“No, I don’t think that will be necessary,” I smirked. “I just hate that I almost made the same mistake with Howie. Sometimes, I wish that when you met someone you could tell what they were hiding. It would make things a whole lot easier.”
Dalton nodded and took another huge mouthful of pancakes. “It might, but then dating would lose a lot o
f the excitement around it.” His eyebrows twitched. His words were warm and embracing, and I wondered if he was flirting with me. It had been a long time since this had happened (I didn’t consider what had happened with Howie to be flirting) so I wasn’t sure how to react, but I did feel heat spread on the back of my neck and down the middle of my body.
Dalton glanced down at his watch and grimaced. “Sheesh, that went way too quickly. Listen, I’ve got to get back to work, but I’ve really enjoyed tonight. I’d like to see you again, but somewhere away from the club so that I don’t have to be distracted. We could go and see a movie, if you can find anything good on.”
“Um, sure, that would be great,” I said, and we exchanged numbers. Sometimes dating felt like swimming through murky waters with threats lurking nearby, sometimes even a hair’s breadth away, but other times it was a pleasant stroll through an open field on a summer’s day. Dalton was straightforward, uncomplicated, and the more I got to know him, the more I suspected he was exactly what I needed. And I wasn’t getting into anything serious. It was just a date, just going to the cinema with someone who had captured my attention.
We walked out of the diner and I decided not to return to the Blue Lagoon. The crowd that had been outside the diner when we entered had disappeared, so we had the sidewalk to ourselves. The faint neon glow from the diner’s sign bathed us in its lukewarm yellow light and I saw sparkles inside Dalton’s eyes.
“You see,” he said, “this moment would be much more romantic if we weren’t in the city.” His voice was soft and low. “You can’t even see the stars.”
“There’s that one, and that one,” I said, pointing to the faint dots of light that were just about visible against the backdrop of the city. Then, I noticed that one of them was moving. It had been a plane.
“That’s nothing compared to what you see out in nature. I’ll show you, one day,” he said. Then, he slipped his arms around my waist where they rested against the small of my back and he pressed his lips against my cheek. A soft moan escaped my lips as I felt the comfort of his warmth surround me, and then, all too soon, he released me and the coolness of the night washed over my body again. He smiled and we walked in our opposite directions. I didn’t know if this was true about him too, but I had a smile on my face.
Chapter Six
My mind was alive when I returned home and I knew I wasn’t going to get to sleep for hours. There was still much about Dalton that I didn’t know, but the mystery was, indeed, a little fun, as he had intimated and I was looking forward to getting to know him better. He definitely had layers to him and, aside from the small transgression when I’d entered the Blue Lagoon, he had said and done all the right things. A smile played upon my lips when I thought about the brief time we’d spent together and I couldn’t wait to see him again. I checked the listings as soon as I got home and saw that there was a showing of Amélie on at the Patchwork Theatre, although I wasn’t going to text him that now, because it was late, he was still working, and I didn’t want to come across as too eager.
I was filled with the kind of ache that came from the promise of a new romance, the hope that it would unfold exactly as expected, the knowledge that it likely wouldn’t, and the fear that it would go the opposite direction and this exhilaration would be for nothing. I still found it difficult to believe that a man like Dalton was interested in me. Part of the reason why I had a…unique taste in men, as Jennifer would have put it, was because I didn’t think most regular guys would be interested in a girl like me. I wasn’t like other girls, and not in the way that the pumpkin spiced latte, Ugg-wearing crowd would be. I just didn’t fit in, I didn’t get on with most people easily, and if I had to describe myself, I’d say that I was an acquired taste. But, for some reason, Dalton didn’t feel the same way and I started to think that maybe I could be a part of what I considered to be a normal relationship.
I peeled away my clothes and looked at myself in the mirror, running my hands down my body. I unclasped my bra and let it fall away. I wasn’t in the best shape, certainly not like Dalton, but I had been blessed with some good genes and I watched my diet, so I retained a slender figure, with curves in all the right places. I ran my hands over my breasts and I thought about the feeling of being so close to Dalton. Suddenly my mind wandered and my eyes fluttered shut as warmth blossomed inside me. It started in the pit of my stomach and then spread out all around, right to the tips of my fingers and toes. I was shocked by how intense it became and my knees trembled with weakness. I moved to my bed and threw myself down, writhing in delight as I thought about the way Dalton’s hands felt upon me, about his hot breath caressing my cheek as he kissed me, and about how I wanted more.
I imagined us standing in a field together, our naked bodies pressed against each other with nothing between us but the night air. I imagined us exploring each others’ bodies, my hands running over his sculpted body, squeezing the taut skin, feeling the bulging muscles within, while Dalton took me and held me tightly, protecting me, loving me, making my body his own. The thoughts coalesced into a hazy miasma that gripped my mind and my body. My lips parted and my breath spilled out. My heart hammered in my chest and I felt sweat prickle against my temples.
The window was open a crack so a cool breeze wafted in, but it did nothing to calm the heat that blazed inside me. I raised my leg and dragged my fingers all over my thighs, and breasts, and neck and, as I did so, my hands became his hands. My imagination was so powerful, in that moment, that I could almost feel his presence on top of me, the heat of his body scalding mine, the intense passion simmering between us. I threw my head back and moaned loudly as my entire body arched. My hands slid down to the delta in between my thighs and felt the rough hair, soaked in warmth. My head twisted to the side as small squeaking yelps broke the silence of my bedroom. My toes curled and my feet pushed against the bed sheets. My fingers reached inside me, teasing myself as I felt a rippling, crackling sensation sweeping throughout my entire body.
It was exhilarating, and soon enough, I was caught up in the chaotic mess of pleasure. Thunder rumbled deep inside of me and lightning flashed, making me twitch. I rubbed hard, my mouth opened to form a wide ‘O’, and my eyes clamped shut as hard as they possibly could. My body was seized, and it was all because of Dalton. But, right at the end, my mind took a turn that I couldn’t have anticipated. From the darkness Rick emerged and suddenly I was sandwiched between the two of them. It shocked me so much that I was almost shaken from my reverie, but my desire was too fierce and there was nothing that could have denied it. I gave myself over to this dark, tempting fantasy, let it seep all around me and in me, and let it dominate me, as I felt the crescendo building and sweet relief, as exquisite delight was released inside me. It came out in one long, languorous stream and, after my muscles had tensed, I felt as though I’d had the most intense massage ever. My limbs felt like liquid and all I wanted to do was ooze all over the place.
I pulled the bed sheets over my naked body and curled up into the pillow, resting my head against its softness. I told myself that life was going to get better, that all I had to do was trust my instincts and take a chance on happiness and, after that, everything was going to be alright.
*