“Yeah, the others just left,” Theron replies, as we both listen intently. “Dex told Dean to take over and he took the rest of them back on the road. The three of us are staying to watch over Isabel.”
When he mentions my name, a thousand little goosebumps r
un a race up and down my body. So, it’ll be just the four of us here, all alone? The thought of love island comes to me and it’s hard for me to suppress my smile. Despite everything, my mind still seems alert and more than willing to offer me a glimpse of what it might feel like to taste any of these three beautiful bikers. It’s hard to shoo these thoughts away, but finally, they let me be and I can think straight again.
“I don’t know what to say,” I whisper, feeling guilty. “I’m so sorry.”
“There’s nothing to be sorry about,” Theron assures me.
“Of course, there is,” I shake my head. “I never should have been here in the first place. Me and my stupid plans. So, not only have I screwed up my own life, but I managed to take you guys down with me.”
“Take us down? Come on,” Zarael interferes. “You think my mom would ever forgive me if I saw a girl being attacked and I didn’t try to save her?”
“Same here,” Theron raises his right hand, like a school boy admitting to wrongdoing.
“You guys are just saying that to be nice and I appreciate that, I really do. Bu, I know the truth. It would have been better if you guys had never met me.”
“I can assure you that’s not true,” Theron corrects me. “I’m sure Zarael feels the same.” Zarael just nods in confirmation.
“You’d be on the road now if it wasn’t for me,” I continue.
“The road will always be there,” Theron tells me. “But you… you are something else.”
I glance quickly at Zarael, as if he might feel a little awkward to find himself in the middle of this, but there is no awkwardness on his face, only a smile of understanding.
“You know what Confucius said?” Zarael adds and I’m grateful for the distraction, because I’m not sure how I would have answered Theron. I mean, what can one say to that? “He said that roads were made for journeys, not destinations.”
“Alright, philosopher,” Theron grins at him and this is the first time I see this playful banter in him.
“What?” Zarael chuckles, shrugging his shoulders. “I’m just trying to tell her that life is filled with unpredictable paths and you never know where you’ll end up. You don’t even need to be on the road to be on a journey.”
“How’s that connected to anything we’re talking about here?” Theron asks again and I can see that they’ve entered a little verbal match, trying to outdo one another. It’s actually amusing, almost like two little mice trying to prove whose tail is longer.
“I was saying that maybe she’s our journey,” Zarael says that, but the moment the words are out, he realizes it probably didn’t come out as he intended it. I’m chuckling now, too. It’s obvious they both mean well and their good cheer is contagious. “We’re supposed to help her,” Zarael adds.
“Why don’t you stop with the quotes, Confucius?” Theron raises an eyebrow and I burst out into loud laughter, bending over. The two of them join in and for a brief moment, none of us feels like we’re stuck here because of some lady who’s gone crazy. It almost feels like a friendly get together and I appreciate their effort in making me feel like that.
“You guys are awesome, you know that?” I smile at both of them.
Both my hands reach out to Theron and Zarael and we’re now sitting all around this little table, holding hands, like we’re about to hold a séance. Only, there’s no ghost to bring forth. The ghost is already awake and it’s inside of me.
“We both want you to know that you can talk to us about anything,” Theron grows a little more serious. “Dex, too. I know he looks a bit rough on the edges and he sometimes is. He definitely sometimes is, but I saw what he did to that guy who hit you. He wanted to rip him apart. He wanted to kill him. I have no idea how he managed to prevent himself from doing that, but he left the guy barely alive. That says much about him. He usually can’t control his temper and he doesn’t care about it one bit. But, with you… it’s different. He is really trying and I think Zarael can agree with me here, that Dex hasn’t tried this much around someone in a long time.”
I swallow heavily as I hear Theron talk about Dex. I don’t know exactly what happened and how they saved me. All I remember are little snippets and my memory is hazy. If Dex did all that, I would like him to tell me about it. But I doubt I’d ever approach him and ask him to do it. I would like him to do it on his own accord, without being prompted to it.
“So, just know we’re here for you,” Theron finalizes. “I’m no doctor and especially not a psychologist or a psychiatrist, but I know that talking helps. When something horrible happens to you, the only way to get it out of your system is to talk about it. Accept that it happened. Don’t try to sweep it under the carpet.”
I momentarily let go of both of them, pulling my hands back to myself, as if I got electrocuted slightly. My eyes glaze, I feel that panic coming on again, as if there’s not enough oxygen in the air. Slowly, I close my eyes and try to take a deep breath. I can’t even think about D… that guy. I don’t want to say his name. I don’t want to try to remember what he did to me. I just want to forget.
“I know you just want to forget,” Theron suddenly says, as if he has access to the deepest corners of my subconscious, but I know it’s not that. He simply understands me. He understands fear. “But, that way, you will still remain a slave to your trauma. You will be crippled. You won’t be your own person, because it will take hold of you, little by little.”
“I can’t…” I whimper. “When I close my eyes, I sometimes see him. I see his hand raised to me. I see that girl who jumped…”
“What girl?” Zarael asks and I see that same curiosity in Theron’s eyes. I haven’t told them about the girl who will forever remain nameless, whose child will probably never find out what happened to his mother. That knowledge is still a heavy burden on my soul and I doubt I will ever be rid of it.
“There was a girl with me,” I start slowly, whispering in the beginning. “She… she tried to run away and I followed.”
“She jumped out of the van?” Zarael’s questions echoes in the room.