I know exactly what she means. She’s referring to Desmier, although I’ve only called him an asshole when I’m with her. But since she’s my best friend, it would be weird if she hadn’t sensed something else was up with me even when I did that.
“Come on, Anastasia.” Lorelai pushes her ponytail over her shoulders. “I know you don’t entirely despise Desmier. If you can’t talk to me, who else are you going to speak to?”
I could ask her the same thing about Zakh, but as her friend I’ll always be understanding. Especially since her story is a forbidden one that could revive an old family feud.
“I’m in a really messy situation.” My voice reflects my trepidation.
“I can see that. Tell me what’s going on.”
“I don’t know where to start, or if I should even start when there are other things to worry about.” Like not seeing Dad for close to a month and my nightmares still tearing me apart. I haven’t spoken to Lorelai about the crest since she essentially told me to leave it alone, but it’s still a big deal to me.
“None of those things are important now. Talk to me about Desmier.”
My gaze darts to the water fountain near the science building, and I stare at the stream of water flowing from it while I think of what to say. It’s hard to release my thoughts in words. It makes everything real. “I’ve just never met anyone like him before.”
“That’s not always a bad thing. It could be why you like him. Aside from the fact that the man is seriously hot.”
“Lorelai.” I shake my head at her.
“It’s true. Come on, you noticed, right?” Her brows rise.
“Yes. I did notice.” I don’t know who wouldn’t. “It’s just that I’m supposed to love Viktor.”
“Do you?”
“Yes, of course.” I stare at her as if she just slapped me. I pray she’s not about to echo Desmier’s words. It would feel worse if she did.
“Okay.”
I search her understanding expression and decide to risk asking her outright. “Don’t you think I love him?”
“Yes. Yes, I do believe that.”
My shoulders relax, until apprehension fills her eyes.
“But I don’t think you were in love with him.”
And there it is. The answer that would devastate me, if my soul hadn’t already whispered to me and told me to open my eyes if my heart was conflicted.
“You really don’t think so?”
“I don’t. Please don’t hate me for saying that.”
“Of course not.”
“Good. And disclaimer; I don’t think it because Viktor isn’t my favorite person. I do believe he loves you and you would have had a nice life. But loving someone and being in love with them are two different things. Because of chemistry. One has it, the other does not.”
Once again, I know she’s speaking from experience, but her words hit me hard.
“I don’t know what to do. Everything is a disastrous mess.”
She takes my hand into both of hers and smiles. “Take the mess away. Just pretend it doesn’t exist and think of the man. What happens when you do that?”
“If I did that, I think I would lose myself.”
Lorelai smiles and brings her hands to her heart. “Oh my God, I’ve never heard you talk like that before. Something’s happened between you two, hasn’t it?”
An angry blush crawls over my skin, instantly giving me away. “I shouldn’t talk about that.”