My shoulders sag like steel weights are attached to them. “Not the same.” Yesterday I made a choice. As I made it I knew I was pushing aside the part of me who loved Viktor. And it didn’t feel wrong. “He said he wouldn’t give up on me and that he would fight for me. What kind of person am I if I don’t take that into account?”
“The normal, sensible kind.” She smirks. “You can’t base your decisions on your sense of duty to Viktor.”
“But it should mean something to me.”
“Not if you don’t feel it.” Lorelai reaches out and takes my hand. “Remember what I said about one thing at a time.”
I nod. “You’re going to tell me the same thing again?”
“Kind off. I think it’s different when it comes to what your heart wants.” Her eyes become open with emotion. “I think you have to look at the things that are important to you and hold on to them. Even if you can’t have what you want, or you have to hurt people along the way, you know where your heart lies.”
Her words sink into me, opening my heart. But I know a sentiment like that can only come from someone who knows what they’re truly talking about and has lived it. I look at her and think of all the times she’s been there for me—which is every time I’ve ever needed her. Literally. Every. Single. Time. And I’m that friend who is always in need. Lorelai is always, always there no matter what time of day or night.
How many people can say that about their friends? I’ve been lucky to have her, but I don’t feel like I’ve supported her in the same way. It’s time to change that.
“Do you know where your heart lies?” My breath stills while I look at her, hoping she won’t find some way to change the subject.
“Yes,” she answers after a long moment, her expression becoming self-conscious and knowing. “But it might be better to be torn between two men who want you, than the situation where you know one wants you and the other just sees you as a thing he has no plans to love, or treat like a human being.”
Thank God, she’s trusting me. A weight lifts from my shoulders and I step into the shoes of the friend I’ve always wanted to be to her.
“Is that what it’s really like?”
“Yes.”
We stare at each other for a few awkward moments of silence while I wait for her to elaborate.
“You know about Zakh and me, don’t you?” She speaks finally in a hushed voice. As if she’s scared the trees might hear her.
“I do. Why didn’t you tell me?”
“I was scared. I’m still scared.”
“Don’t be.”
The vein at her temple pulses. “I love my parents with all my heart, but no one knows what they’re really like. They show everyone a different face and behind closed doors, they’re something else. I’m not sure who is worse, my mother or my father. Thank God for my brother, but he has his moments.”
I’ve had my thoughts about her family, but I didn’t want to cast judgment since I’ve had so many things happen in my family that were in the public’s eyes. Her family aren’t like that, but more like the ones you know have dark secrets they keep locked away in the same desolate place Pandora hid her box.
My father is overprotective, but hers is strict, strict, strict and treats her like cattle. He loves money and power more than anything in this world. Her mother is the same. Lorelai’s brother, Leo, is more like the way a parent should be, even though he’s only five years older than her, but he loves power too.
Because the Konstantin’s are filthy rich and are an old Knights family, Lorelai’s marriage into their family will benefit everyone. It will carry the same prestige that my family feels for me marrying into the Volkova family.
“Wouldn’t your father like the idea of you marrying a Volkova?”
“No, because there’s no route for him to progress financially. The Konstantins have everything he’s ever wanted. Even if he did, Zakh doesn’t want to get married. He knew he wouldn’t need to because the spotlight was always on Viktor. Now it’s even better for him.”
“How long have you been seeing each other?”
She blushes and chews on her bottom lip. “Since I was legal, but we fooled around before.”
My brows shoot up. “Oh my God.” I can’t believe I only knew when I saw them together.
“I know, and I’m sorry. I just thought keeping the secret was better. My family is just starting to really get on with the Konstantins. The wedding is next summer and they want me to use that time in between to get to know Dmitri. I can’t fuck it up.”
“I understand. What are you going to do?”
“I’m in the same boat as you with that one, because I don’t know. When we first got together, we were just fooling around, but things changed when my father arranged for me to marry someone else.”