After passing Beau’s lovely blue room, we arrive at Blair’s beach-themed one. She looks around, seeming more depressed. I sit on the bed and tug her against me. We rarely get to cuddle alone anymore. However, for years, we were two peas in a pod.
“What’s wrong, Blair?” I whisper as she clings to me.
“I got Dad killed.”
“No,” I say as she begins to cry. “He got himself killed. It’s not your fault.”
“Nomad killed him because I spouted sass. If I had been good, Dad wouldn’t be dead.”
I understand her pain. My mom often hinted I was why she had a miscarriage. She claimed I stressed her out and wore her down. She couldn’t stay healthy for her unborn child because of me. I felt guilty for a long time, thinking I was a burden who killed my baby sister.
Now, I realize my mom was a terribly selfish person. She drank, smoked, and partied hard with my dad on the weekends. If anyone was to blame besides nature, it was her.
Yet, I took a long time to get sensible and reject the guilt. I don’t want Blair wasting her life feeling bad over what she never controlled.
“Silas was always going to kill your dad,” I explain while running my fingers through her soft blonde hair. “He was waiting for the baby to be born. Silas wants a family, and your dad was hurting me.”
Blair wipes her eyes. “Do you think Dad died hating me?”
When I imagine Neal suffering blow after blow from Silas’s massive hands, I doubt he had time to worry about anything except survival. I’m not sure he even understood why the giant biker was beating on him.
“Your dad never hated you.”
“I don’t want to be the reason he’s gone.”
“You aren’t. Silas has an idea about what he wants. He always knew he couldn’t have us with Neal in the way. When he saw your dad hurt you, something snapped inside him. Silas couldn’t stick to his plan. He had to stop your dad from getting another chance to hurt us.”
Blair looks at me with worried eyes. “I’m scared of Nomad.”
“I am, too.”
“Dad hit you hard. He left ugly marks. But he was tiny compared to Nomad.”
“I want to believe Nomad is the kind of man who only fights people who can fight back. Not little girls who stand up to him. Or women who disappoint him.”
“Do you think Dad was scared when he died?”
Despite what Silas believes, liesdohave value. That’s why I tell my baby girl what sheneedsto hear rather than the truth.
“I think it happened really fast, and he didn’t have time to think about it.”
Blair’s haunted eyes watch me. I cup her face and kiss her forehead.
“What are you thinking about?”
Bottom lip trembling, she strokes my jaw. “I mouthed off, and Dad hit you.”
“Neal was an angry man, who liked picking on people who couldn’t fight back. That’s why he hurt you, baby. If he let you get too strong, you’d kick his ass one day. So, he wanted to break your spirit when you were little.”
“He was a bad man.”
“Yes, but that’s not your fault. We don’t get to pick our parents. Just know that Neal was messed up long before he met me or made you.”
Blair looks around before whispering, “Nomad’s a bad man, too.”
“Yes, but maybe in a different way. Like my mom was weak, but not like I am.”
“Do you miss her?”