“Nope, but it has to be done. So, if you’re packed for the night, we can get this show on the road?”
“I’ll go pack. It won’t take me forever.” He puts emphasis on the wordforever. “Where are you going, Mom?” He drags the m out at the end of my name. It’s hard when your son lives with you more than eighty percent of the time and doesn’t know where I’m at or what I’m doing; his little mom sonar goes off like a parent tracking their teenager when they just got their license.
“I’m not going out with Aunt CeCe tonight. She’s with Uncle Wylde. I’m meeting a few friends for dinner.” My best friend’s now husband has taken not only Von under his wing. He makes sure that if something goes wrong and I can’t get it fixed, he takes care of it. Wylder Hayes is a lot like Mace was in the early days before he joined the rat race, thinking we needed the best of the best when all we really needed was him.
“Well, for the record, Mom, I’m not so sure about this.” How is my son five and have the intellect of someone the age of a grown man? He must get it from his daycare because it’s surely not from me or his father.
“I’ll take that into account. Go grab your bag, and I’ll meet you in the living room, okay?” I’m making sure my outfit looks okay, that my hair isn’t doing something funky, with its riots of waves lying right instead of doing this weird swoop that is uncontrollable at the worst of times. And don’t even get me started on makeup. Too much? Too little? Being a woman is not for the faint of heart.
“Okay, but don’t take too long. You’re perfect just the way you are.” If there’s anything I’ve done right in my life, it’s Von all the freaking way. The divorce is a blip on my radar in the grand scheme of things. As long as Von is happy, then so am I.
“I promise not to. Don’t forget to pack Bear.” Von has multiple bears, all named Bear. The one I’m talking about is the original he’s had since before he came home from the hospital. The one Mace gave him as an infant, the one he still carries no matter what house he’s at, and I love that even though he’s this man-like child, there are still some elements of the toddler boy deep inside.
“Mom, I never forget Bear.” I kiss his forehead, albeit briskly because he’s already moving a million miles an hour, and that might work in my favor in the overthinking department.
“I know.” I stand up, smooth out the skirt of my dress, and take one last look at the mirror, ninety-nine percent sure I’m making a mistake with this whole blind date situation. I guess it’ll be another one of those things that you’ll learn from.
TWO
Mace
I’ve ruineda fuck of a lot of things in my life. The woman who dropped my son off at my parents’ doorstep is probably the worst. She’s my wife. Fuck, Tyra isn’t my wife, not for a year now. I’m a son of a bitch, a workaholic, a lousy excuse of a father allowing my job to run my life. The second worst fuck-up of my life is abandoning my son. It’s why I’m here now on a weekend that isn’t mine to spend a night with my son while he’s at his grandparents. I don’t blame Tyra, not at all. I dealt her a shit hand, and there are only so many bad hands one will take until you fold.
“Dad!” I brace for impact, only making an appearance when I knew Tyra was reversing out of the driveway. She still looks as beautiful as ever, even more so than the first time I ever laid eyes on her, back when life was simpler, before I got stuck in this rat race of life, chasing the dollar and leaving my family in the dust. It all started when my boss called me into his office, asking if I’d like to make partner in the law firm. It felt like life was settling into place. Tyra wouldn’t have to work full-time, Von could be home more than at the Montessori-style daycare he’s at now that costs a fucking whack. I would have suggested changing his school years ago, but he’s thriving and clearly excelling in talking, learning, and having fun while doing it.
“Hey, bud, how’s my man doing?” I bend down, pick him up under his arms until we’re at eye level.
“I’m good. I thought you were working?” My own boy knows how much I work. Five years since he’s been born, and that’s the most of what he knows about me. Not that I’ve tossed the football around in the backyard when I have a day off or that we eat ice cream for dinner some nights, that we for sure don’t tell Tyra about, but that he thought I was working.
“Nope, not tonight. You mind if I spend some time with you while you’re here?” It took my dumb ass too long to tell my boss to take his shot at partnership and shove it up his ass. It took me until today for that to happen. I have a pile of money in the bank even while paying child support for Von, and that’s why starting next week, I’ll be opening up my own law firm. A few of the other lawyers caught wind of what I was doing and walked out right along with me.
“The whole night?” Von asks with apprehension in his tone.
“Yep, I’ll even be here when you wake up. What are your thoughts on French toast, bacon, and eggs?” The way to my boy’s heart is definitely through his stomach.
“Awesome. Pizza and ice cream tonight, though, right?” He and my parents have a Friday night ritual, where they make homemade pizza followed by all the dessert Von can get his hands on, usually in the form of a banana split or hot fudge sundaes.
“You got it.” Von hugs me, Bear between the two of us. His scent of baby lotion that Tyra has him rub all over after a bath mixed with the sweet perfume that’s all her and what her now house smells like washes over me, solidifying that for the first time in years, I’ve done the right thing.
“Alright, I’m going to go hang with Grammy.” He kicks his feet, letting me know he’s ready to be let down. My mom is standing in the doorway to the kitchen, a soft smile on her lips, one I don’t deserve. It was her who told me more often than not I was making a mistake. She’s not wrong. Now I’m going to do whatever I can to right that wrong.
“You know, your mother set Tyra up on a blind date tonight. If you play your cards right, I might tell you where she’s at. You know, after Von is down for the night.” My body locks up tight. A year we’ve been divorced. I’ve never once strayed, not during this entire time. No other woman ever held my attention as much as my wife did. Even tired, falling on my face from exhaustion, Tyra was the last thing on my mind, and she’s still the first person on my mind when I wake up in an empty home, the home we bought together.
“Fuck.” Maybe I’m too damn late after all. “I’m not sure that’s a good idea if Tyra decided to go, not that I have a right to blame her for moving on.”
“I wouldn’t be so sure about that. From what Von says, Ty wasn’t too excited about her dinner with friends, was fidgeting the whole way over, and was reluctant to get him out of the car. So, I’m not sure sucking up to your mother is the right way to go. And don’t shoot the messenger or your mother; she was trying to put her family back together, and that means all three of you.” My dad squeezes my shoulder before letting go, walking away to leave me with my thoughts. I feel like someone has rocked me to my core, a sucker punch straight to the stomach. A punch in the jaw, making the thing between my ears feel like it’s a damn jumbled mess again. I sit down, knowing I’m going to have to do some begging to not one woman but two. OperationGet my Woman and Family Backis about to commence, and I’m not going to stop until Tyra and Von are back under my roof, all of us together.
THREE
Tyra
This is beyond awkward.I sat at the bar in the restaurant because I got here early like the overachiever I’ve become. Okay, maybe that’s not the correct term; it was more or less because I drove like a bat out of hell to get here, or I was going to take my phone out and cancel like I’ve been thinking about doing all freaking evening. I’m nursing the same drink I first ordered when I slid onto the barstool, feeling out of place even though surely, I’m not the only thirty-two-year-old woman here. The only difference I can think of is that the other women in this quiet atmosphere that is only making my nerves that much worse aren’t in love with their ex-husband, aren’t sitting with nerves crawling up from the bottoms of their toes to the tips of their ears while re-thinking this for the second hour straight today. Even worse was, the second I agreed to this date, I wanted to tell Leah that I was joking when I said yes. In fact, that’s what I should have done. She wouldn’t have been upset or made things weird. The one thing I’ve learned throughout these crazy years, especially this year, is that family comes in all shapes and sizes. Love doesn’t have strings or conditions; it’s given freely. As much as I’m pissed at Mace for ripping my world apart, the love I’ve always felt for him still remains much the same as it has for seven years now.
“Another?” the bartender asks. My drink has gone warm. Knowing myself, I won’t finish it. I still won’t order another, not on an empty stomach.
“No, thank you.” I open my purse, grab my phone as well as my wallet, pull a twenty-dollar bill out, and set it on the bar. Then I look at my phone. Brian, the blind date, should be here within the next few minutes, barring that he doesn’t flake out and be no-show. When I talked to one of the girls at the spa where I work, she told me horror stories. It’s pretty much a fifty-fifty chance that they don’t ghost you, cancel, or reschedule. Not that I’m expecting very much from this date seeing as how I was on the verge of canceling myself.
“Hi, there, you must be Tyra.” I’m still looking down at my phone, thumbing through the text messages that seemed to pile in the second I told Celeste I had made it here, then one from Mace’s mom telling me everything was going great at home, and to have fun. She attached a picture of Von putting the toppings on his pizza, tongue sticking out, deep in thought, melting my heart yet again.