Eventually, after what seemed an eternity, he heard footsteps in the hall, along with the rhythmic tap of a cane. Heath was home. His body filled the doorway, but he paused when he saw Kane standing there.
“Hello.”
“Hello,” Kane answered. “I was told you had gone for a walk.”
“Yes. I needed to sort things out. Besides, I didn’t know when you would be back.”
Kane crossed his arms. “I needed some time alone as well. You certainly gave me a lot to think about after last night.” Even now, Heath’s statement echoed in his mind. But alongside that were the words Caroline had uttered: “I think it’s wonderful you are in love.”Kane stared unblinkingly at Heath, trying to see into his very soul, knowing the man he loved was in there.
“I’m sorry!” Heath blurted out.
The loud outburst made Kane jump.
“I acted like an ass, and I said things I should not have. Please forgive me. I never meant to hurt you. I was just...angry and hurt and...”
Kane sighed. “I can understand that you were upset about your leg, but what I can’t understand is why you listed our relationship under your list of supposed faults. I thought we were past all this, that you accepted who I am...whoyouare.”
He waited for a response. It was like going on a carousel, round and round, the same thing over again. How many times did he have to tell Heath he was worth so much more than he thought? It was a character flaw, no doubt long imbedded in Heath’s head, like a parasite which refused to leave.
Heath sank onto the sofa, burying his head in his hands. Every fiber in Kane’s body instinctually wanted to go to him, but he stopped himself.
“I don’t know what’s wrong with me.” Heath lifted his head. “It’s like I want to sabotage myself, and I don’t know why.” An anguished cry escaped his lips.
Kane sat on the opposite side of the sofa, allowing space between them.
“Do you like being with me?” Kane asked softly.
Heath met his stare. “I have never been this happy in my life.”
“Then what’s holding you back?”
He shook his head. “I don’t know. Sometimes there’s this tiny voice in my head telling me I’m not good enough. When I’m with you I can ignore it, because you make me see I can be better. But there are times, like yesterday, when my anger flares, then the voice is booming in my brain so loud I can’t see reason. I know it sounds like an excuse, but it’s the truth.”
Kane slid next to him, putting his hand on Heath’s leg.
“I want to make that voice go away forever, but I don’t know how.” His eyes glistened with unshed tears.
“I don’t know if you can make it go away, but you can ignore it. Not just when I’m around, but when you are by yourself.”
Heath bit his lip. “I’m not sure how.”
“Then we will work on it...together.”
Everyone had their issues. Kane had battled his fair share of demons in the past, and now he would help Heath so they could have a future together. He didn’t know how they would do it, but somehow, they would make it work.
“I don’t deserve you.” Heath covered Kane’s hand with his. “You should be with someone who is smarter, whole, who can...”
Kane pressed his lips to Heath’s, silencing any further protest. “I’m right where I want to be.” He rested his head against Heath’s.
“You forgive me?”
Kane laughed. “Of course I forgive you, but promise me if you hear that voice in your head, you will let me know, and we will battle it together. If I’m not around, occupy yourself, yell at the damned thing, whatever you need to do to get it to stop. Or simply remind yourself you are smart and capable. Never forget that.”
“I’ll try.” Heath averted his gaze.
“There will come a day. I don’t know when, but it will come, when that voice will be a thing of the past. I plan on being here that day to hear you tell me so.”
The relieved expression on Heath’s face told Kane all he needed to know. They might not have declared their love for one another, but he knew it was there. He placed another kiss on Heath’s lips before settling back on the sofa.