Once in his room, Heath removed his clothes, with Jenkins’s help, and dried off with a towel before putting on fresh clothes. At some point, tea was delivered, and in no time, Heath sat by the fire, with a cup and his solitude.
It was times like this that he cursed the Navy and what it had done to him. Before his injury, he would have worked side by side with those men, not giving up until the job was done. Now he was next to useless.
Behind him, he heard the door creak open. He knew it was Kane. Who else would dare enter his room unannounced?
“How are you feeling?” Kane’s voice came from across the room.
“How do you think I feel?” He turned to face Kane. “I feel like a complete failure. I can’t do something as simple as using a shovel without falling on my face.”
“You did all you could.”
“And it wasn’t enough.” Heath stood up, his irritation growing. “It’s never going to be enough. I can’t do anything. I’m just a stupid farm boy with a lame leg pretending to be a country gentleman. Baronet, more like blundering idiot.” He wiped a hand across his brow. “For crying out loud, I can’t even act like a proper man. Look at me, I’m fucking my tutor. A man whose tastes are just as depraved as my own.”
CHAPTER14
Kane was shocked. The words pierced deeper than any blade ever could. It felt like Heath had ripped out his heart and stomped on it. Without a backward glance, Kane left the room before he said something he might regret. With nowhere else to go because of the weather, Kane went to his chambers and locked the door. Anguish twisted in his gut. Did Heath truly mean what he said? No. He was upset and frustrated and had taken it out on him. There was nothing to be ashamed of about what they had shared. It was pure. The truest thing Kane had known in his entire life. Even Heath had said he’d never been so happy as when they were together.
For now, he would let Heath cool his heels. No doubt he would see the error of his ways and but at the present moment Kane wasn’t in the forgiving mood. Part of him wanted to make Heath suffer for a while before they next spoke. It was petty, but Kane wanted to teach Heath a lesson. Words hurt, no matter the circumstances in which they were said, and there would be consequences.
Kane took dinner in his chambers. Heath didn’t make an attempt to speak to him. Perhaps it was better this way. Heath needed to sort out his feelings and make a choice. Either he would decide if he wanted to be happy with Kane or be miserable for the rest of his life and pretend to be someone he wasn’t. Kane already knew where his choice lay. It was with Heath. No matter how long or short their time together, Kane wanted to enjoy every moment, if Heath would only let him in. Every time he thought he’d gotten through Heath’s thick skull and pride, something drew them apart.
This might be the first time Kane had to admit defeat; that he could not teach someone the most important lesson in life, to love himself. If Heath didn’t love and accept himself for who he truly was, how could they ever be together?
Kane spent the rest of the night in his room drawing while the rain pattered against the glass. He glanced at the door one last time before crawling into bed. As he lay there, Kane rubbed a hand over his chest, as if the words Heath had said had left a physical scar which pained him. It took some time to calm his mind enough to fall asleep, and when he did, Kane’s slumber was restless.
When he rose the next morning, Kane realized he wasn’t ready to face Heath. So instead of facing the problem head on, he retreated for the time being. He wrote a quick note, which he asked Mrs. Baum to give Heath, saying he had errands in town and left shortly after breakfast.
Once he got into Dover, Kane went straight to the orphanage. On his way, he ran into Miss Wilcott.
“Good morning, Mr. Badgely. How are you this morning?”
“Fine, Miss Wilcott. Thank you.”
“Is Sir Heath with you?” She glanced around as if Heath would magically appear.
He doesn’t want you, he wants me!Kane wanted to shout the proclamation for all to hear, but bit his tongue.
“I’m sorry, he is at the manor house. I had some errands to run.”
“What a pity. Tell him I was asking for him.”
“I will. Good day.” He tipped his hat and went on his way.
He entered the orphanage, easily finding his way to Caroline’s classroom. There was no one there, so he went to the sitting room they’d occupied on his past visit. When he stepped inside the room, he saw Caroline and Harvey speaking. Their heads were close together, nearly touching. Was that a smile on Caroline’s face? It appeared the detective was working on things other than just the case of the missing girls.
Kane cleared his throat. The couple quickly took a few steps apart.
“Good morning. I hope I’m not interrupting anything.”
From the guilty look on Harvey’s face, Kane knew exactly what he had interrupted.
“Detective Wells was just telling me some news,” Caroline explained.
Kane raised his brows. “Really?”
“Yes. It’s a good thing you’re here. Saves me the trouble of writing to you. We got a tip that Graham’s boat will leave on a trip across the channel tonight.”
Kane perked up. “Are you sure?”