He gave her a look she couldn’t parse.
“What?”
He didn’t answer, just pulled out his keys and started the engine. They set off down Greville Street and Nicole let her head loll to the side. She felt like someone had scraped a knife over her drunkenness and was determinately chipping away to the hurt waiting for her in sobriety. No sisters or work or even casual sex for distraction. It was back to reality now.
A week ago, I was engaged,she thought.Now I’m single with two skinned knees. How did this happen?
She heard a strange sound and turned to see Noah snapping a lighter in front of the cigarette in his teeth. She watched the end become an electric cherry.
“You shouldn’t smoke in here,” she said.
“It’s my van.”
She’d give him that one. She returned her gaze to the street. Three girls in mini-dresses were having a fight, pointing their fingers and flicking their hair. She was extra glad to be on her way home. “Thanks for the ride.”
Noah rolled down the window. He looked angry for some reason she couldn’t help but feel responsible for. She considered asking him what was wrong, but history dictated this would go unanswered. She tried for small talk. “Why do you have a van?”
“Because I do.”
Her temper flared like the end of his cigarette. “Is it that hard to say ‘I like the colour’ or ‘I won it in a bet?’ Do you really have to be grumpyall the time?”
Noah looked over at her, his eyes lovely in the yellowish glow of the streetlamps. “You want to talk meaningless shit so you don’t have to think?”
“I wanted to sleep with you, but that’s not an option, apparently.”
The corners of his mouth quirked.
“Are you laughing at me? Because if you are, I will jump out of this car.”
“It’s a van.”
“Yeah it is! A creepy van. Isn’t it enough that you’re huge and covered in tattoos? Do you really need to drive a van?”
They stopped at a red light. Noah dragged on his cigarette. The end burned like the light holding them in place. Stupidly, she realised they were alone for the first time since they’d kissed in the dark. She folded her arms over her chest, wishing she was already in bed. The silence stretching between them was excruciating. At least it was for her. Maybe Noah didn’t give a damn. The light turned green and they drove on.
“How long have you smoked?” she asked, because sheneededto break the tension.
“A while.”
In someone else, that might have meant a few years, but Nicole bet Noah was one of those ratty pre-teens who hung out on street corners, blowing smoke at strangers. Burlesquing as the adults they wanted to be. Silence swooped over them and she twisted her fingers in her lap. They weren’t even close to Brunswick. This wastorture.
“Okay.”
Her mouth went dry. “Okay to what?”Okay to sex?
“We’ll talk, if that’s what you want.”
“It is.”
But Noah didn’t respond, just kept smoking and staring ahead. She clicked her tongue. “When you said, ‘we’ll talk,’ did you mean ‘sit here in silence, making me doubt every decision I’ve ever made?’”
His mouth quirked. “You’re trying to be cute.”
“Is that a crime?”
Noah ground his cigarette butt into a tray on the dash. “Why do you want me to fuck you?”
Nicole blinked, half-sure she’d misheard him. “Um, why not?”