That he was angry at her final decision was unmistakable. He masked it well with well-bred solicitousness and cool politeness but she could sense it all the same. A brooding frown had barely left his features, his mouth was tight and his eyes had lost their glinting spark. It was his male pride that was hurt but he would have to suck it up. He was used to getting his own way, but this time she couldn’t agree to a loveless marriage. Not without compromising or losing part of herself. The part of herself that had craved love all her life. She had finally come to a place where she realised she had to put herself first in order to guarantee Marli’s happiness. How could she be the mother she wanted to be if she was in a loveless relationship with her baby’s father? Marli deserved better, Harper deserved better...and didn’t Jack? How could he be the man he had the potential to be if she fell in with his emotion-free marriage?
Harper watched as Jack glanced around her flat with a critical eye. Was it her imagination or had those paint cracks grown bigger in the past few weeks? And was the leaking tap in the kitchen even louder than before? The carpet was almost bald in one spot. How had she not noticed that before? But work had always been her top priority. She spent more time at her office than at home, so the flat was somewhere to sleep at night, and because it was only a rental she hadn’t bothered freshening it up.
‘I know what you’re thinking,’ Harper said, sinking her teeth into her lower lip.
Jack turned from inspecting the room. ‘You have no freaking idea of what I’m thinking.’ His tone was bitter, his expression as hard as stone.
She put up her chin, refusing to be drawn into all-out war with him. ‘I’m not going to fight with you. We need to be friends.’
His top lip curled. ‘You want me to kiss you on the cheek or shake hands whenever we meet? Seriously? After what we had together?’ His dark blue eyes flashed like vivid lightning.
Harper could feel a hot blush stealing over her cheeks. She could feel the magnetic pull of him even now, but she knew she had to resist. She had to suppress her desire for him no matter what. She didn’t want to be his casual lover. She didn’t want to be anything but the love of his life. ‘We don’t have to kiss or touch at all. We just need to be civil and polite—especially in front of Marli.’
He raked a hand through his hair, leaving it all tousled so that one thick lock fell over his forehead. ‘I can’t see you without...’ He let out a barely audible curse and clamped his lips tightly together.
‘Without what?’
His eyes met hers and something tingled in her lower body as if he had sent an electric current across the room. ‘You know what.’ His voice had a deep and husky edge that unravelled her self-control like a ball of string flung down a steep flight of stairs.
But Harper was made of sterner stuff now she had become a mother. She had made her decision and she was sticking with it. There was no going back. ‘I’m sorry, Jack. But that’s not going to happen. I can’t regret our time together because we have Marli. But I know I will regret continuing a relationship with you that is based on lust, not love.’
He gave a cynical smile that didn’t reach his eyes. His eyes, those beautiful, sapphire-blue eyes, were as hard as diamonds. ‘I’ll see myself out. Call me if you need anything. We’ll arrange a visiting schedule once I sort out my diary. It might take a day or two.’
‘That’s fine. Take all the time you need.’
Jack went over to Marli still sleeping in her capsule. He looked down at her for a long moment, his jaw working, his throat moving up and down. Then he bent and kissed her downy head before straightening again. ‘Sleep tight, little one.’
Harper steeled herself against the stranglehold of emotion filling her chest. He loved his baby girl so much. Why couldn’t he loveher?
Aerin and Ruby came over the very same day bearing prepared meals for Harper and more gifts for Marli. Harper had sent both a text informing them of her situation with Jack. She needed the support of her friends right now, it wasn’t as if she had a mother or father to go to for emotional support and nurture. But she was also aware of how much extra work she had thrown at her friends by her cryptic pregnancy. Ruby’s own wedding was only a few weeks away and Harper had always planned to be the one to do the photographs. How could she support her friend and be a good mother too? It seemed an impossible juggling act, one she had yet to solve.
Aerin swept Harper up in a hug as soon as she came through the door. ‘I’m so sorry things didn’t work out between you and Jack. You must be so devastated.’
‘And then some,’ Harper sighed. ‘But I have to be strong. I have Marli to consider now. I can’t settle for anything less than love.’
‘Did you tell him you love him?’ Ruby asked.
‘Yes, because I remember saying to you that you did the right thing in not telling Lucas you loved him when you broke up with him. But when you got back together, I realised I was wrong. I had to tell Jack. I didn’t see the point in holding it in any more. I had to tell him in order to move forward.’
‘Are you sure he doesn’t love you?’ Ruby asked. ‘I mean, Lucas pushed me away too until he worked through his issues. Maybe Jack needs a bit of time to process things.’
‘But how much time?’ Harper said. ‘I don’t want to waste my life waiting for him to fall in love with me. What if he can’t love like that? He can love Marli but he doesn’t seem open to the idea of romantic love.’
‘I think you’re doing the right thing,’ Aerin said. ‘I wouldn’t want to be with a man who didn’t love me, who wasn’t the perfect match for me.’
‘Jack is hardly perfect but he comes pretty close,’ Harper said. ‘And he’s taken to fatherhood so well.’
‘Does he tell Marli he loves her?’ Ruby asked.
Harper frowned as she thought about it. ‘I don’t think I’ve heard him say the words but you’d only have to see him with her to see he does. Look—I’ll show you the photos I took of him with her.’ She got her camera out of its bag and quickly scrolled through the shots until she got to the one in the Luxembourg Gardens. Seeing that photo sent a wave of sadness through her that threatened to overwhelm her. Jack was such a doting father. Why couldn’t he be a doting husband as well?
‘Oh, how gorgeous is that?’ Aerin said with feeling. ‘He looks absolutely smitten.’
‘He certainly does,’ Ruby said with a thoughtful look on her face.
Harper closed her camera and put in back in the bag and zipped it shut. If only she could pack away her feelings as easily. Out of sight, out of mind, out of reach.
If only.