She wasn’t wrong.
Dragging both hands through my hair, I tried to push all that out of my head. But then, my phone lit with another notification, and just like every time it did, I immediately picked it up from the table. Just in case in was her.
Lina:Call me, it’s important. Something happened.
Desperately, my fingers flew over the screen of the device, and in less than two seconds I was doing what I hadn’t brought myself to do in weeks.
“What’s wrong?” I barked into the phone when Lina picked up. “What happened? Is Rosie okay?”
There was only silence.
“Lina, don’t play with me.” I didn’t even recognize my own voice. “Tell me what happened.”
A cackle came through the line. “I knew that was the only thing that would make you call me back.” A huff. “I should have done that days ago, but I guess I was trying to be nice.”
I grunted, slowly realizing I’d been played.
But my heart was still all over the place, and I was unable to calm myself down, to kill the idea that something might have happened to Rosie or ignore the fact that, with an ocean between us, there wouldn’t be a single thing I could have done. “Rosie’s okay?”
Lina snorted. “I’m not answering that.”
“Lina, te lo juro—”I hated my harsh tone. “Is she okay, or not?”
Lina’s exhale was long, loaded with what felt like sympathy. Laced with anger, too. “Just… calm down, will you? Nothing happened.”
Only when I heard the confirmation, did I breathe a little easier. Only slightly.
Then, she added, “At least nothing other thanyouhappened.”
Swallowing, I tried really hard to keep myself from barking something I wouldn’t be able to take back. I was well aware of how much I’d hurt Rosie. Nothing I could say would change that. I hated myself enough for it. I’d never forget the look on her face or forgive myself for putting it there. For inflicting on her a single second of pain.
Probably feeling the swing in my mood, Taco came to my side and rested his head on my knee. I patted him behind his ears, obtaining a quick woof of appreciation.
“Is that Taco?” Lina asked, her tone changing, lighting up. “Can you give him a kiss from—”
“No.”
“Ugh. I don’t like you too much right now, Lucas.”
I shared the feeling. “What do you want, Lina? Besides almost giving me a heart attack and telling me something I already knew.”
“Well, at least you know you suck. That’s a good start. I thought you might be in denial, but at least it doesn’t sound like you are. Good, because—”
“Lina,” I growled. “I don’t have energy for whatever this is. That was why I didn’t call you back.”
Another long sigh came through the line. “I was hoping you wouldn’t, but you sound as miserable as she does. If not more.”
Something inside of me stirred, and I didn’t deserve to ask, or to know, but the words left my lips before I could stop them. “She’s…” I could barely finish, “miserable?”
“Well…” Lina trailed off, making me shift in my chair. “That’s a loaded question,primo. How areyoudoing?”
Miserable would be putting it lightly. The two things that had kept me going were Taco, who barely left my side, and Abuela, whose patience was obviously running thin. “I’m fine.”
“Oh yeah? You’refine.” My cousin dropped her voice, mimicking mine. “Well, Rosie’s fine, too. And by the way, she hasn’t told mewhatever is wrong with you. That’s who my best friend is, loyal to a fault.”
The memory of her beautiful face, looking at me with hope as she asked me to be with her, to come with me, flashed behind my eyes. And I… God, I wanted to break something. I struggled for air, too. I didn’t deserve her loyalty.
Taco nuzzled my leg, demanding my attention, so I resumed the scratching.