Chapter 18: Brooks
Sleep doesn’t come easy, and I wake up to my 6am alarm feeling more tired than when I laid down. I struggle through a shower, praying Olive will be reasonable. Hah! Not likely.
She’s making me crazy, but I’m not giving up. I admire so much about her. She’s so damn smart and hard working. She’s funny, beautiful ,and generous. I’m drawn to her like she’s my own personal black hole. I can’t escape her and I don’t want to.
I was raised with very little affection. I’ve always thought I didn’t need it. I never felt the need to be touched. For the first time, I feel desperate to be close to someone. I’ve been living for each glancing touch of her knee at our lunches. I realize now that I’ve been a starving man looking for crumbs. I need more. More of her touches and kisses. More everything.
I’m going to fix this. I just need to figure out how.
I’m at the bakery at 6:50, waiting by the front doors for someone to unlock them. The sun isn’t up but I’m here. Olive can’t run forever. I start pacing at 6:56, my breath coming in warm puffs in the chilly air. Just before 7:00 Lilah opens the door, unlocking it and giving me an exasperated look.
“Why are you out here pacing like a lion and scowling? The staff was afraid to open the door.”
“I need to talk to Olive.” I try to peer around her, but I don’t see her anywhere.
Lilah gives me a suspicious look. “It’s her morning off and she hasn’t been down yet. You look like shit, by the way. What happened?” she asks.
“Nothing really happened. I just need to talk to Olive. Is she in the back?”
Lilah holds up a hand, refusing to let me pass her.
“I’m sorry. When you say, ‘nothing really happened’ do you mean nothing actually happened or do you mean something really did happen and you’re just going to blow me off?”
I blink at her for a second, my lips pressed together in a hard line. I’m annoyed she’s not letting me in and she’s pressing me for information I don’t want to give. It occurs to me that Lilah and Olive are close. Maybe she could help me not fuck this up entirely.
I hesitate because even though I’m willing to bet she could help. I’m not sure it feels right to get her involved. She raises an eyebrow at me and purses her lips. She’s shorter and curvier than Olive, but their eyes are almost identical. “How about you tell me what you did and, if I think you deserve it, I’ll help you.”
I’ll take that deal, I decide, nodding at her. She motions for me to stay on the front porch while she finishes unlocking the doors and flipping the sign to “Open.” Then she joins me on the porch, crosses her arms, and gives me an impatient look. “Go on then. Let’s hear it.”
I grip the back of my neck with one hand and rub it, trying to ease the tension that has built up. “We kissed last night. She kissed me, or I kissed her. I’m not really sure.” Her eyes go wide but she says nothing so I keep talking. “I stopped it because she’d been drinking. I didn’t want to take advantage of her. She flipped out and bolted. She hasn’t read my text messages or returned my phone calls. I just want to make sure she’s ok. I just want to talk to her.”
Lilah furrows her brows, giving me a calculating look. “Did you tell her why you stopped the kiss?”
“No, she wouldn’t let me get it out before she took off.”
Lilah looks exasperated. “So, the first time you kissed her you told her it was a mistake, and you never expected to see her again. Then you pursue her in a super lukewarm way. And when you finally, and I do mean finally, kiss her again, you end up pushing her away. Maybe you can see why she’d feel rejected? She had one glass of wine at our family dinner and unless she came home and slammed three more just so she could deal with your grumpy ass, I doubt she was drunk. You just assumed she was because she was carrying a wine glass and let her walls down a smidge. If you’d bothered to ask her, Olive would tell you that she never drinks more than a glass or two of wine. She’s a grown ass woman and can handle two glasses of wine without turning into a self-destructive mess.”
I nod, chagrined. She pinches the bridge of her nose and pauses, thinking.
“I’m not going to get in the middle of this because you two need to figure out your own shit. However, I will give you a piece of advice because I love my sister more than anyone else in this world. I want her to be happy and I think she could be with you. If you get this right.”
“I’m listening,” I say, trying not to sound as eager as I feel.
“Olive is extra sensitive to feeling unwanted. She doesn’t handle rejection well. If you’re not in this for the long run or you aren’t sure, then you need to back off and leave her alone because I think you have the capability to really damage her.”
I shake my head firmly and stare her down. “I want her. I’ve been trying to be patient with her and not scare her off, but I’m done with that shit. I’m all in.”
She finally smiles at me and nods. “Good. Make sure you don’t fuck up again because if you make my sister cry, I’ll cut your balls off and feed them to you.” She smiles at me sweetly. “And then I’ll unleash my brothers on you.”
“Jesus Christ, you’re scary,” I tell her. She smiles at me and walks back inside.
I scrub my hand over my face. I’ve been handling Olive all wrong, trying to be patient and let her come to me. Well, no more. She’s all mine. Every inch of her. She just doesn’t realize it yet.