Chapter 17: Olive
I lock the door behind me and run up the stairs, turning my phone off as I go. I can’t hear or read one more word from him. I don’t know why he changed his mind and at this point I just don’t care. I know these are my issues to deal with, but I’m crushed.
Jesus, I can’t breathe. I gasp for air as I slide down the wall. Misery washes over me and all I can do is let the sobs rip out of my chest.
What was I thinking? I opened myself up to this even though I knew it was a terrible idea. Except I know exactly what I was thinking. I thought Brooks was pursuing me the last few weeks. Clearly, he was just trying to get back to a friendly professional place and I’ve been reading him all wrong. I was thinking with my sex starved lady parts instead of my actual brain.
I’m wallowing. I feel pathetic and I’m so disappointed. Mostly with myself. And I’m embarrassed. I can’t believe I did that and now I’ll have to face him every day and pretend like I didn’t try to climb him like a tree.
I’m tempted to call Lilah, but I don’t want a pep talk right now. Instead, I leave my phone powered off, curl up in bed and cry myself to sleep like a child. I’ll give myself this one night to flounder in my sadness and disappointment. Tomorrow I will pick myself up, put on my big girl panties, and get the fuck over my stupid crush on Brooks.