“But you took those guy’s crap.”
He smirks. “Technically they took mine…”
I think about it and roll my eyes.
“He used to say the worst things to me.”
He just sits there across from me in the booth. Waiting. And it’s what I need. I can’t be pushed.
“He told me I wasn’t worth being loved if I couldn’t have kids.”
His head tips a little.
I continue. “And he told me that he needed a forklift to lift me up.”
His eyes close and he shakes his head. And yet he waits.
My lips quiver, but I won’t go over the edge. Not here. Not like this. I’m even surprised that I’m telling him these things. I’ve never told anyone this stuff.
I’ve been closed lipped about what Charlie said. Repeating it just didn’t seem like it was necessary.
He squeezes my hand tighter.
“He made me feel like I was worth nothing. And I hate when people say that no one can make you feel inferior without your permission. I denied him permission but he gaslighted the fuck out of me!” My voice raises and Joel climbs from his side and slides in next to me, he wraps me in his arms.
“Hey, I’m so sorry, sweetheart. I’m sorry he did that to you. You deserve so much better.”
I look up at him and his big thumb brushes over my cheek, clearing the tears that I said I’d never spend for Charlie. But sometimes a few tears have to come to cleanse away the past.
Joel’s eyes drop to my lips. “God, any man who doesn’t worship the ground you walk on is an idiot. I know I do…will…want to.”
“I don’t know if I can trust a man again.”
His face falls for a moment. “I understand. I just hope that you can learn to trust me.”
He starts to move away, but I hold onto him. “Don’t go, please.”
He smiles, that cocky one like he knows he has me, but he’s wrong. I don’t get to be had again. I am the one who decides what will happen.
I pull him in close and we stay like that for a while. Just holding each other. It’s like there’s no need to go further, but his warmth has me sinking into him further.
I look up at him. “Joel?”
“Yeah, sweetheart?”
My heart ticks fast. I know what I want. I want this man. I want him to show me what being worshipped feels like. I’ve released a demon and now I feel light and like I could fly away to the land of ultimate bliss. But one step at a time…
“Kiss me,” I whisper close to his face.
His head lowers and his lips touch mine briefly, he pulls back, but I slip a hand around his neck and keep him firmly planted to me. He twists his head, not deepening the kiss, but giving me an opportunity to grind my lips to his. Almost a fucking of our lips. I open and tease at the split of his mouth, asking for entry, and he doesn’t disappoint, he opens and our tongues do a dance that I can feel in my gut. He’s leading me down a path, closer and closer to wanting more and more.
I sigh and moan at the same time and he chuckles. He pulls back and then comes back in for a couple of quick pecks, like he just can’t get enough.
I find him irresistible, and I come back for a couple more, too. Matching his playfulness.
This man brings something out in me that I haven’t felt in a long time.
Joy? Happiness? Hope? All three and more…