Mom waves her hand around. It’s a cover. I saw her shoulders slump. She misses him. “He’s a workaholic, you know that. Besides, I have a charity dinner tonight. I keep myself busy.”
I know she’s hurting inside from my father, and I wish I could help her, but she won’t let me. Instead, she turns on me, telling me I’m not good enough, and I should’ve done this or acted this way. It’s tiresome. The confliction of feelings is enough to drive me mad.
My eyes follow a group of surfers swimming within the waves, their boards gliding as the waves crest up and down. I stare as they swim past, their tan wet skin glistening in the afternoon sun. A lot of boys around here sure have grown up.
“I think I’ve had enough sun for today. I’ll be out late tonight, so don’t wait up.” With an air kiss, she turns and heads up the beach, my gaze following her. I don’t remember the last time she hugged me. She hasn’t since I’ve been back, and she even had a stranger from a taxi service pick me up at the airport. Four long years and still no affection whatsoever.
With a defeated sigh, I turn back to the eye candy and wonder how my life got to this point. This unhappy, unfilled point. No wonder my sister, Emily, didn’t come home after she escaped. I don’t blame her, though. With an absent father and a selfish, put-you-down mother, why would anyone ever want to come back?
It’s fucking miserable.
Yet here I am.
A tear slips down my cheek, and I hastily wipe it away. All of my hopeful thoughts from earlier going with it.
* * *
“Addi!” Leigh swings her door open, and the smell of floral perfume mixed with a lemon cleaner assaults my nose and makes me think of our afternoon snacks at Leigh’s house when her mother doted on us.
I often came here, escaping my tense household and enjoying Leigh’s sweet grandmother and mother who raised her on their own. There’s never been a man around since Leigh’s father left when she was only two. He’s never made contact, but Leigh’s childhood was far from unfulfilling. Her grandmother and mother made sure of that.
I hold up a bottle of tequila, a pouch of frozen watermelon margarita mix, and our favorite candy, Swedish Fish. “I’m here! With lots of goodies!”
“Yahhs, girl! Come in, come in.” Leigh pulls me inside, closing the door. “Pizzas are on their way, and I’ve turned the kitchen into our own little mini spa.”
I follow her down a long hallway leading from the front hall to a big eat-in kitchen in the back of the house. An island bar sits in the middle, and a small but cute table occupies the right corner. A sliding door leading to a patio completes the room.
Her excitement is contagious, and it makes me feel giddy. My afternoon was complete shit, but after a long, hot shower and some ice cream, I felt better. Two of my favorite things to turn my mood around. But now girl time and drinks? Plus a party? What could be better?
“Like?” Leigh spins around the room, showing off her display. Snacks crowd the counter as well as a drink station complete with cups, a blender, cut-up fruit, ice, and sugar. Damn, this girl is good. I forgot about her party hosting skills. She threw some damn good parties in high school. Well, actually her mother did but still. She sure does take after her there.
The table is set up with hair supplies, nail painting supplies, and makeup. Everything is lined up in a neat order that she knows I’m about to destroy. “It’s awesome. I think you may have left some shit out, though.”
A look of horror comes over her face. “What? No way, I triple checked. What’s missing?”
I burst out laughing, bringing my drink supplies to the counter before tossing my bag on the ground. “Oh, you know …” I manage between giggles.
“Shut up before I hurt you.” Leigh starts preparing drinks while I choose the music.
Once our drinks are mixed, and the music is flowing, we plop our asses down at the table and begin our glam rituals. You know, the extras you do for a night out. Wing-tipped eyeliner and dark red lips. It’s on.
“So, Leigh, you hitting a home run tonight?” I lick my sugar rim and pop a margarita-soaked strawberry in my mouth. Mmm, delish.
“I don’t know. Depends on the meat selection. Lately, it’s been slim pickings.”
“Yeah? Where’ve you looked?”
“The usual bar scene. I tried Tinder, but the few dates I had fizzled out. Most of them want a one-and-done type deal, and I’m over that. I’m also over friends with benefits. But do I want a serious relationship? I don’t know.” She takes a big sip of her drink, sugar sticking to her glossy lips. “With everything I do around here, plus my demanding job, a relationship would be too much.”
“I get it. Maybe see someone exclusively but just stick to dating?” I shrug my shoulders and finish off my nails with a bit of sparkle polish. “Who am I to give advice? My dating life is nonexistent.”
“Have you been with anyone since Finn?”
His name slices through me. She knows I hate mentioning him, so I didn’t expect him to come up. “No. And please don’t mention him.”
“Addi, it’s time to let go. It’s been over a year, and by now, you should be able to stomach hearing his name. I know he’s a douche times a thousand, but fuck him.”
“I know, I know. Ugh. I don’t want love anyway. It’s nothing but trouble. And sex? As much as I want it, Lord knows I can’t handle only casual. I always get feelings, and fuck shit up.”
Leigh rolls her eyes, tossing me a smirk. “Yeah, we know. But I know deep down you really want love. It’s who you are. You’re an artist, a dreamer, and the passion inside you will always seek love.”
I stare at my best friend. When did she become so wise? But I can ignore it, that passion. Push it down and away. “Well, this Addi, right here, no longer seeks love.” I raise my glass to her, the third margarita going to my head. I need to eat more.
Leigh snorts. “Sure thing, lady. Whatever you say. Or whatever the tequila says, right?”
“Mmmhmm,” I mumble before downing another gulp of frozen deliciousness.
“One day, we’ll figure it out. Tonight, let’s just party our asses off.” Leigh raises her glass to me now, and before you know it, we’ll be toasting each other every five minutes. Happens every time.
“Cheers to that!” We clink glasses and giggle. It’s gonna be a wild night.