Ugh.My feelings piss me off.
I try to push them away, replacing the love with anger. But dammit, it’s fucking hard.
What I need to do is get my ass home. Levi wants me to stay the full thirty days while Dad’s at rehab, but I don’t think I can last that long. I’m bored without much to do all day, and I’d rather be making money. And being here close to Chloe makes me ache for her more.
Fuck, I’m such a crybaby. Most guys would’ve moved on by now. Not me, though. Pathetic me is still pining away like a loser.
I hate the hold she has on me. It drives me crazy.
I’ve spent the past month here in Cali job hunting for something in Jersey. I apply for anything and try to figure out what I might not hate doing for the rest of my life. I never was one of those people who always knew what their career would be. Nothing draws me to it like Levi’s drawn to music. I feel like I’m not passionate about anything.
Besides reading comics, watching TV and movies, and watching YouTube videos on cars, I’m a pretty boring guy. Which leads me back to—what the hell should I do for the rest of my life?
Maybe it’s time to try working on cars. Ever since watching videos on them, the motors fascinate me. Taking them apart and putting them back together again. I know basics like changing out a flat tire, replacing light bulbs, and an oil change. My father was good at showing us when we were younger. Before the bottle overtook his life.
I sigh into my coffee. Chloe made me feel better than I ever had before. Like I could conquer the world with no worries or fears in my way. And to now be stripped of that sucks so fucking bad. In a way, I wish I never felt it. Because then I wouldn’t miss it so fucking much. I wouldn’t miss her so fucking much.
It doesn’t seem like she feels the same.
I know we can’t pursue anything. I’m eventually leaving, and we’ll be back in the same spot. But spending time with her would be nice. Why can’t we just hang out as friends? We can’t do anything when she completely shuts me out.
The cafe gets busier as the hour rolls into a new one, a line forming as people rush for their caffeine between classes.
I don’t see her at first because a tall guy in front of her blocks my view. But there she is. Laughing with the girl next to her, she glows under the warm lights in the cafe.
Swallowing over the lump in my throat, I can’t tear my eyes off her. I want her to see me, but I don’t. I want her to talk to me, but I know she’ll be mad I’m here.
Has she thought about me since the day I showed up on her doorstep? Does she wonder if I’m still here?
There isn’t much time to wonder before her scent fills my nose and her voice shrieks above me. “Tyler?! What are you doing here?”
Shit. Too late. She saw me.
“Hey, Goody. Nice to see you too.”
She crosses her arms and glares at me. “Are you hanging out on campus now?”
“No, I wanted some breakfast. What’s so wrong with that?” I know it’s a pathetic answer, but what else could I say? That I come here to watch her? Yeah, because that’ll go over real well.
“Tyler, really?” She slides into the booth, and my heart skips. Maybe she isn’t as mad as I think she is.
“I just want to see you, Goody.”
Lo says nothing, but she breaks eye contact, looking off to the side.
“If you don’t want to see me again, then fine. But I’m here, excited to see you, happy to see you, and you look disgusted. I saw you all smiley with that guy the other day when you just stormed off. You looked so happy to see him. Who the hell is he?”
Chloe narrows her eyes but remains quiet, so I continue.
“Then I see you sitting under a tree on campus, texting away on your phone with a huge grin on your face. And I wonder who the hell it is because it sure wasn’t me you were texting. What the fuck, Lo? We were good when we parted ways. Sad, yeah, but we didn’t break shit off on bad terms. So this ignoring me shit isn’t working.”
“I don’t know!” Chloe throws her hands up in the air. Tears fill her eyes, but fury rolls off her. Her body is tense, her cheeks red, and her hands have a white-knuckle grip on the table. “I’m trying to figure my head out, but one thing I do know is you sneaking around and watching me is fucked.”
“I don’t sneak around. Like today, I sit out in the open, and if you see me, you see me.”
“Still. What the hell, Tyler?”
“So kill me for wanting to see you! But don’t change the subject. Who is he?”