“He is too old for you,” she said firmly.
“Is he, Mom? Because all the boys you would’ve deemedappropriatefor me chug booze, play video games and date rape girls.”
My mother’s hand flew to her throat.
“I don’t have to explain to you what’s different about these men because you know that already,” I continued. “You’ve been wanting me to talk about Dad for the longest time, so now I will.” I shifted my way, pulling in a deep breath. “He fucked me up. First, before I knew anything, just by being him. By making me feel like I had to be perfect, that I wasn’t worthy of his love if I didn’t act a certain way. He crafted me into someone who both craved validation and attention from an older man while making it so I only got that if I wasn’t my authentic self.”
My eyes filled with tears. I’d never said any of this out loud before. I’d never even reallythoughtany of it. But it was being forced upon me. It had been bubbling up inside of me for so long, there was simply no more room to store it.
“When I found out what my father truly was, I had to face the fact that not only was I seeking validation from a monster, but my mother had lived through hell for almost the entirety of my life,” I hiccupped. “I’m not exactly well adjusted from that, Mom. I’m fucked-up. I’m going to be fucked-up for life. Not all in a bad way, though.”
I tried to smile at her reassuringly since the blood had drained from her face from everything I’d said thus far. It didn’t really work.
I swatted away my tears. “Every single person connected to this club is fucked-up,” I said softly. “Has horrific pasts. Yet they smile. Throw parties. They accept people despite their damage. Elden accepts me. He makes me feel safe. I don’t have to be anyone different to earn his love. He gives it to me. He would never lay a hand on me. He would go to the ends of the earth to protect me. Yet I still don’t think I deserve him.”
Tears were streaming down my face.
“Because Daddy fucked me up,” I choked out. “And I can’t stand the thought of you only loving me if I make the right choices and love the right person.”
My mother was crying now too. “Oh, my little girl,” she whispered, pulling me into her arms.
“I love you for exactly who you are,” she murmured against my hair. “And who you are is wonderful.”
I leaned against her, sinking into her embrace. We didn’t speak for a long time, but she gently pulled me back to arm’s length, wiping my tears from my face.
“My love for you is unconditional,” she stated firmly. “It does not matter what choice you make, ever. Nothing will ever change that.” Her voice shook a little that time. “I understand better than anyone that loving these men isn’t exactly a choice. And as much as I hate it, I know that what your father did cannot be reversed.” Her eyes hardened. “I will forever carry it with me,” she whispered. “What he did to you. How he made you feel that you weren’t worthy.” She squeezed her eyes shut for a moment. “It’s a shock, you and Elden,” she said once she opened her eyes. “But I understand it. I saw the way he looked at you. I can’t believe it’s the first time I’ve seen it. But, honey, he would move mountains for you. He will protect you and love you in a way that you’re worthy of.”
She cupped my face in her palms. “And that’s all a mother wants for her daughter. We’ll work out the details later.”
I squinted at her through my tears. “I’m scared,” I admitted in a meek voice.
She smiled at me. “Of course, you are, sweetie. That means it’s all worth it.”
And at that point, my mother took me in her arms again and I sobbed, finally letting out everything I’d been holding in.
ELDEN
It had taken every ounce of control I’d honed over the years to let Violet walk away. To let her face her mother alone.
Ever since I’d found out she was carrying my baby, I’d had a difficult time letting her out of my sight. It had been hard enough before. But now she had our future growing inside of her, she had my fucking redemption growing inside of her. I couldn’t stop thinking about how fucking delicate she was. How many things could take her away from me.
There was a fucking sicko killing women in the area. Tearing them apart. The club had enemies from all sides. On top of that, she could get in a fucking car accident, get sick... I could lose her.
Control had been integral to my survival ever since I got out of prison. Now Violet was integral to my survival, and I couldn’t control her, couldn’t protect her from everything. Although I sure as fuck would try.
Beyond feeling sheer fucking joy—unlike anything I’d felt in decades—at knowing she was pregnant with my kid, I felt relief. This was an indisputable reason for shit to come to light. For me to speak to Swiss. Have her on the back of my bike finally.
I stared at the man in question, standing at the grill. It was his kid’s first birthday party. Absolute wrong time to tell him. But the chances of him killing me were slimmer here.
And I couldn’t stand one more fucking second of stealing moments with Violet, hiding how I felt about her.
I was about to step forward when Hansen clapped me on the shoulder. I had no fucking idea where he came from.
“You wouldn’t be planning on going to tell your brother you’re in love with his stepdaughter on his son’s first birthday, would you?” he asked lightly.
My eyes flew to my president. His stare was not light. His grip tightened on my shoulder.
“Although there isn’t a right time for that conversation, this is the fuckin’ wrong one,” he added, tone still conversational.