He’d kill me, probably.
Tell me I was fucking around with something priceless, something pure, something I had no business corrupting. And he’d be right.
I fucked-up. It was that simple.
Swiss nudged me, and all of my limbs turned taut.
“Jesus, bro, lighten up,” he joked. “You’re wound tight, even for you.”
The fucker was not exactly a ray of sunshine himself. That was what we’d bonded over when I first patched in, that we were fucked-up. Everyone who took the patch was fucked-up in one way or another.
I knew people had been curious about me, prospecting so late in life with a bunch of fucking teenagers. No one had known it was that or death. Sure, it had taken a hit to my ego, having to prove myself with a bunch of kids. But it also meant something to me. Earning my place here.
Hansen was the only one who knew about my past, what brought me here. There was no judgment, and he didn’t tell anyone. That was my choice.
And over a lot of whisky, I’d eventually shared my history with Swiss. Because I trusted him. And he trusted me. He’d considered me a friend. Part of his family.
Yet I’d gone and fucked that up in a way that couldn’t be forgiven.
Self-hatred burned in my throat, bitter and familiar.
“Just don’t want these fuckers trying anything,” I nodded at the soldiers working for the Russian mafia, our connect for the weapons coming out of the old Soviet Union. They were an old and dangerous organization. They were unpredictable and not completely trustworthy.
Swiss’s head turned to the truck. “Yeah, well, it’d be their funeral if they did,” he muttered.
War with the Russian fucking mob was the last thing we needed right now, but it did sound tempting if it meant I could be distracted.
“Wanted to ask you…” Swiss returned his attention back to me. “No one has tried anything with Violet at the club, have they?”
My throat constricted, making it hard to breathe, and it took everything in me not to react. “No,” I forced the lie out, still tasting her pussy on my lips. “No one is that stupid.”
Swiss nodded once, cracking his knuckles. “Yeah, suppose you’re right.” He clapped me on the back. “Plus, if they were, I could trust you to put them in their place, if I wasn’t there to look out for her.”
I grimaced, unable to speak, only managing to nod my head.
“After everything she’s been through, last thing she needs is another man ruining her life,” he finished, twisting the knife even further.
The worst thing was, he was fucking right.
And I somehow had to figure out how to undo what I’d done.
ChapterFour
VIOLET
It had beendays since he left me naked in his room at the club. After he’d simultaneously rocked my world and ruined it.
I hadn’t found the time to seek him out before now. Mom had been obsessed with getting me ready to go back to school, with me helping her furnish her new home. And despite the need I felt, I wanted to help her. She was starting over, literally. She was building something. She was happy. I wanted to be part of that so desperately. It was like I was getting to know a new person. I was knowing my mother as the real her instead of the woman my father had molded her into.
He'd called me. My father. Spoke to him long enough for me to smash my phone and tell my mom I dropped it. I got a new number then buried all my rage and sadness deep down.
The shopping was a distraction, taking care of the last-minute plans for my first semester on campus. I was nervous. The first two semesters in France had been an adventure for me. Almost removed from reality. I’d been caught up in perfecting my grasp on the language, experiencing my new identity as an adult, falling in love—orthinkingI was falling in love. Then I hit the earth with a thud that came as a punch to the face. Everything else had happened quickly, and I’d barely been able to catch my breath since.
It felt unreal that I was going to college now, somehow fit into the normal, expected path for me.
All through my last years of high school, I had been restless, anxious to start college, to experience that lifestyle. To escape the small, stuffy town I grew up in.
Now I didn’t want to leave. I wanted to stay and work at the café, I wanted to bask in the New Mexico air… And yes, be close to Elden.