Unable to face my siblings, I nod at Mom and crouch down to pick up the broken plate. Rhys squats next to me, and our hands briefly touch as he takes the pieces from me. I experience a flutter-like sensation in my chest, which shocks me deep to the core.
What the hell was that?
"I’ll take care of that." We’re hidden underneath the table, and I stare up at him. Even when he squats, he’s taller than I am. His voice is so tender and concerned. One look at him and it’s clear he doesn’t buy the headache excuse. Shaking my head, I don’t allow myself to think of him as the old Rhys. I stand up without another word and head to my room. I need to be alone. I need to think.
I’ve been watchingLilly all week—whenever I could without bringing attention to myself. She has withdrawn from her friends. Physically she is with them, but she doesn’t participate in conversations and mostly stares off into space. She’s also wearing less and less makeup as the week progresses, and her usually styled hair hangs either flat or is up in a messy bun. The looks Denielle gives her tell me that her best friend also doesn’t know what’s going on, which makes the pit in my stomach expand by the day. Lilly tells her everything since I’vesteppedout of the picture. Before that, it was me she confided in.
I contemplate asking Den directly, but I’m not sure she would tell me evenifshe does know something.
Thursday wasthe first day I didn’t have practice, and I decided to go home in the evening.
After what happened during dinner, I text Wes that I’m sleeping at home tonight. Within two seconds, he sends me an emoji with raised eyebrows.
Fucking great.
For the past two years, I’d have rather slept on his hard-as-a-rock couch than my own bed, which has one of the most comfortable memory foam mattresses ever made. He’s not stupid, but I’m not going to elaborate. Not until I figure it out myself.
I plant my ass on my bed, leaning against the headboard, with the door slightly open. From here I have a direct line of sight to Lilly’s room across the hall. I’m determined to confront her.
Natty’s room is at the other end of the hall by the stairs, and Mom and Dad’s bedroom takes up the entire third floor. Mom is already upstairs, and I’m not too concerned about checking up on Lilly. If Dad would’ve been home, I probably wouldn’t have risked it, but Mom doesn’t care. At least I don’t think she does. I’m pretty sure she hates this fucked-up situation as much as I do.
The light shines under Lilly’s door until well after midnight, but she doesn’t come out. Resigned, I go to bed.
I need to get her alone.
When I seeLilly during lunch the next day at school, she seems even worse than the previous days. She has dark circles under her eyes, wears zero makeup, and her messy bun looks like she slept in it. Add boyfriend jeans and an oversized hoodie to the mix, and she looks like a mess. Wait a sec, that’smyold hoodie. What the—? She’d never voluntarily wear that thing if she were in her right mind.
Denielle’s eyes meet mine across the cafeteria, and for the first time in years, there is no distaste directed toward me. I see my concern reflected back at me, and she gives me a sad nod.
I havea wrestling match tonight and won’t be home until late, but the only thing on my mind is finding out what has put Lilly so on edge—and keeps her there. I’m obsessing over it to the point of losing a match. Kat is getting annoyed with my lack of attention, and in truematurefashion, I ignore her more. At one point, her face is almost as red as her Christmas-themed lipstick, steam basically coming out of her ears. But none of that phases me. I don’t give a fuck about her games anymore. I have more important things on my mind—someone more important.
Dad’s planelanded early Friday morning, and Mom and Dad left in the afternoon for their weekend getaway. Natty is staying with her friend Olivia until Sunday. I almost cancel my weekend workout session with Wes but then decide against it to not cause any more unwanted attention. We meeteverySaturday, and Wes would be up my ass with a million questions.
The entire morning, he goes on and on about tonight’s party. Jackson is apparently throwingtheparty. Every party istheparty, but Kat has also been on me for the past two weeks to make sure we’re seen there together. I’ve neglected to tell either of them that I have no intention of showing up. The last thing I want to do today is watch my classmates get hammered and subject myself to Kat’s constant need for validation. It’s not like her confidence needs any more boosting; it already sucks enough oxygen out of a room to inflate a hundred egos.
I get homearound noon and see Lilly’s car has not moved an inch. The branch I purposefully placed against her rear tire for that reason is still in the same spot. She didn’t train with Spence today.
Shit.
My pulse increases the longer I stare at her Jeep. She never misses her session. I climb the stairs, finding her door closed. It’s been closed whenever I’ve been home for the past few weeks. It never used to be closed. Usually, it was my door that was closed—to avoid running into her.
Suddenly feeling nervous about just barging in and demanding answers, I chicken out and take another shower. I already showered at the gym, but this seems like a plausible reason not to knock right away.
Afterward, I keep pacing back and forth in my room. What am I doing? Why am I so fucking on edge? Oh, yeah, I’ve been a complete dick to her for over two years, and she hates me.
She’s never going to tell me what’s going on.
I pace some more. Sit down on my bed. Turn on the TV. Turn it back off. Throw the remote back on the bed. Fuck! Back to more pacing.
I waste a whole hour with that.
When I end up sitting on my bed yet again, I put my head in my hands. I’m losing my mind. I haven’t worried about Lilly like this in a very,verylong time. I’ve carefully maintained my distance for over two years. I built this nice, solid wall in my head, making sure to keep her at arm’s length until she finally stopped talking to me. When that day came, it hurt. Fuck, how it hurt. I stayed at Wes’s for two days, hiding from home, and have pretty much been there since. But I deserved it; I hurt her first.
"FUCK IT!" I stand up.
I’ll deal with the consequences later.
I walk across the hall,hesitating one last time. I take a deep breath and knock. No answer. She’s home, so I knock again. When she still doesn’t respond, I ease the door open and slowly walk in.