“The treatment that what’s-his-name of Athens or some such recommended for those with a melancholy disposition,” he said. “He insisted that fresh air, exercise, sunshine, and a healthy diet are essential elements for making a full recovery.”
Noah glanced sideways at him with an expression that made Beckett think he was trying hard to be ordinary and easy with him. “I believe he also recommended the seaside and sea bathing.”
“I wouldn’t advise that at this time of year,” Beckett said with a laugh as a particularly strong breeze whooshed across the park, fluttering the hems of their coats and nearly carrying their hats away.
“Absolutely not,” Noah said, a sort of grim humor in his eyes. “I’d rather give the electroshocks another try than go sea bathing right now.”
Beckett’s insides trembled with uncertainty at the…joke? He couldn’t tell whether Noah was trying to remain lighthearted about what he’d been through or if he resented it.
“We’ll have to go in the summer,” he said, swaying dangerously close to Noah and only barely resisting the temptation to take his hand. “There are several nice beaches on Long Island we could try. Or, if you’re feeling more adventurous, we could take the train all the way down to Florida and hunt for alligators.”
Noah laughed vaguely. “I would worry that the alligators would want to hunt us.”
It was almost a normal conversation. The things Noah was saying were close to the sort of things Beckett would have expected of him. But still, something wasn’t right. Noah didn’t look at him except when he had to. He was clearly still locked in his own thoughts. His expression pinched and varied as Beckett continued to share what little he knew about Florida, almost as if Noah were having another conversation entirely with himself.
“Beckett! Noah! There you are,” Aurora called out to them as they neared the edge of the Lake. “I’ve been waiting forever.”
“By yourself?” Beckett asked, scandalized by his sister’s boldness.
“No, silly,” Aurora laughed, meeting them and giving both Beckett and Noah quick hugs. “My maid, Nancy, came with me. Father would have come, but you know he was invited to luncheon with Mr. Rockefeller to discuss a possible business deal. No one says no to Mr. Rockefeller,” she told Noah with a mock serious look.
“Certainly not,” Noah said.
It was the right comment at the right time, but there was an edge of skittishness to the way Noah stood and the way he would only dart furtive glances at Aurora. It was almost as though he were keeping a secret from the two of them, but what secrets could Noah possibly have? He’d hardly spent ten minutes outside of Beckett’s company for days—which was a reassurance to Beckett—so he couldn’t have been up to anything.
“We should hurry to get the best skates while we can,” Aurora said, looping her arm through Noah’s and tugging him along the path to the house where skates were being rented. “I’ve been listening to what people are saying, and there is some concern that the ice isn’t truly ready yet, but that won’t stop me.”
Beckett followed them, content to observe. More than content, he felt as though he needed to watch Noah, to study him so that he could figure out what was wrong with the man.
In the last few days, every time he thought he’d determined Noah’s state of mind, something had shifted. For the most part, he believed Noah was intent on making himself better, now that he was safe at home. Beckett was convinced Noah did see his house as home now. He was convinced that Noah felt even more than that.
There had been that moment, when the two of them sat on the sofa after Marcus’s visit. For those few, glorious moments, right after they’d kissed, Beckett could have sworn that Noah was about to open himself up. He had practically seen the words of love on Noah’s lips. He’d been so close to saying them himself, but he hadn’t—and still didn’t—want to upset Noah or place undue stress on his shoulders by blurting out how much he loved the man.
But then Aurora had interrupted, and the moment had slipped away from them. Beckett had been trying to get it back ever since then, but the stars hadn’t quite aligned to make that possible.
He shook away those puzzling thoughts and concentrated on what he was sure would be a viable cure as he, Noah, and Aurora rented skates and strapped them to the bottoms of their shoes. Every winter, the Lake was drained by the city to just the right level that would allow the water to freeze as early in the year as possible. It was still November and Beckett had his doubts about whether they would be able to skate or not, but despite the central section of the Lake being cordoned off and only the edges frozen enough for skating, dozens of people were already braving the ice.
“Have you ever been skating before?” Beckett asked as he waited for Noah to finish strapping on his skates.
“Once or twice, years ago,” Noah replied, still not quite looking at Beckett as he spoke. “I’m not particularly good.”
“Neither am I,” Beckett laughed.
“I am, though,” Aurora said, her smile bright. “Just watch me.”
Aurora hobbled down to the edge of the frozen lake, then glided smoothly along the frozen patch. Beckett was impressed with his little sister in more ways than one. She was fearless when it came to activities, but it was the way she treated Noah, as though he were another brother and as if there were nothing wrong with him, that warmed Beckett’s heart.
In a matter of minutes, the three of them were out on the ice together. The quality of the ice wasn’t good, but that didn’t stop Aurora from attempting to instruct Noah in the best ways to move his feet and how to stop.
The three of them made their way around the outer edges of The Lake for what felt like an hour. Beckett was cautiously happy as he watched Noah put in an effort to exert himself. He also watched his beloved flail, fall, laugh, and pick himself up again, over and over. There was something aching and poignant about it all. It felt like a metaphor for the sort of life that Noah was destined to live.
The books Beckett had taken from the library—and several of the ones he hadn’t had the heart to bring home to show to Noah—all seemed to say the same thing. There was no cure for afflictions of the mind of the sort Noah suffered from. There was no tablet he could take or tincture he could add to his morning coffee that would make it all go away. Noah would forever wrestle with fits of both high spirits and low. The only thing that could be done was to manage the episodes as they came along.
Beckett was determined to do just that. He skated up alongside Noah, gripping his arm and pretending he was afraid of falling so that he could get away with it. He loved the bright pink that flooded Noah’s face from the cold, the sun, and the exertion. He loved the laughter that burst from Noah despite whatever still had his beloved just slightly off. He would do whatever it took to make those joyful moments as long as they could be and to keep the darker moments short.
After skating, they enjoyed a delightful lunch together at one of the park’s finer restaurants. The three of them had no end of fun passing off Aurora’s maid as a lady of high society so that she would be permitted to dine with them. Nancy was floored to be invited to spend time with people she felt were above her, but she didn’t refuse when Beckett invited her along to see a magic lantern show.
The entire day was a success, as far as Beckett was concerned, but for one thing.