He could call the family for a cleanup of those he left for dead. But not for me.
I stood there, heartbroken and waiting. I scanned the party for him, but he never showed.
Bastian must have taken pity on me because he came to stand beside me at the oak bar. “Stop looking, Katie. He’ll show when you least expect it, huh?”
“You’re the last person who should be coming to lick my wounds.” I glanced at him before I looked back down at my drink.
“And why not? Because you chose him? You chose him long before tonight.” He took a moment to sit down on one of the velvet-upholstered barstools. “I’d hoped you wouldn’t, but then again, I knew you would. I only had to test which thirst was greater—love or power.”
“Power?”
“I run this city. I know what it means for you to be on my arm. And you do too. You’re one of the only women that truly does.” He ran the back of his hand down my arm, and his touch still felt as warm and safe as ever. “It’s why I would have let you stay there. It’s why I would have trusted you to be there. Only if you wanted it, though.” His hand fell away. “And you don’t. You want love or hate. I’m still not sure which feeds the two of you.”
I sighed. “Maybe we feed off our love and hate for each other. Or we feed off the void in us.”
Or maybe it was the darkness. We’d come to terms with the fact that we lived in the night, and now, after all this time, I found I was most comfortable there with him, where we knew the demons lurked because we were demons ourselves.
“I’m not proud that I want power,” I confessed. I wasn’t proud that my motive for becoming a solidified member of the family was to control the city and never be under someone’s thumb again, to find a way to rid the city of sex trafficking. But I knew I didn’t want another Marvin standing at the bottom of my bed at night or another Jimmy who would hold a gun to my head to control me. They needed to shake with fear. They deserved to.
Not me.
And that thirst for power, that thirst to make others shrink away from me, wasn’t something you let shine in the bright of the day. At night, our desires consumed us, and I knew it was where I belonged.
“It takes someone being powerless over and over again to make them crave power like I do, Bastian.”
He nodded. “You know better than I do. The blood that runs through me awarded me my position. I’m navigating this with education, not experience.”
“You’ll learn,” I told him because I saw fear in his eyes for the first time. Bastian was calculating and educated beyond his years. He had a wise look to him, like he knew the world or the world knew him and they somehow worked together in harmony. But Bastian was still a boy in the world of killers and criminals. His father had educated him but hadn’t dragged him to the dirty parts of the job. If anything, I’d seen more than he had because of the men I’d been with. “And I’ll help. If I can.”
“You’ve helped enough by being bait for us this long. Take some time, huh? Figure it out with Rome.” He nudged his shoulder into mine, and we looked down at our drinks.
I nodded and took a breath, not sure if I would take his advice. I knew I needed to do something about it all. “I’m going to find Brey.”
“Dante will go with you,” he said, and I realized Bastian’s trust in me had shifted. He’d learned from my last little bathroom stint, and his quiet tone was firm.
Our mob boss would step into his role well.
I sighed. “That’s annoying as fuck, Bastian.”
“Not as annoying as you pulling what you do on me, Katie,” he singsonged back.
Dante was by my side while Bastian gave him strict instructions not to let me out of his sight.
“Come on, big boy.” I patted his massive arm, and he grunted. “I’m coming by the gym later this week to let off some steam.”
“Good idea,” his deep voice rumbled back. “You’ve got a hell of a lot of tension in those muscles of yours.” After years of training with me, he could probably tell by the way I walked that I needed an outlet.
“I’m just frustrated with some stuff. I’m working through it.”
“Coming to the gym will help.”
I nodded as we walked the dimly lit hall that led to a back staircase. I was sure Jax and Brey had gone to the upper bar at the back where there were less eyes on them. They both hated attention, and mingling wasn’t their strong suit.
I glanced back at Dante lumbering slowly behind me. “You like the view from behind or just not in a hurry today?”
The smile that spread across his face made him look like a giant teddy bear. “I’m keeping an eye on the perimeter, woman. Give me a break.”
I twirled back around but slowed my walk. “Sure, sure. Just taking your time on the—”