He pulled at the collar of the shirt he’d put on. “Look, I really am sorry. I need you to know that.”
His words bottomed out my stomach. “For what?” Did he know my relationship with Dougie had just changed because of him and his actions, that the drugs put him front and center in my life while his front and center was anything but me?
“I’m sorry for this.” He spread his arms wide and his voice broke. “For the kiss, for everything.”
I closed my eyes to shield myself from the hurt of knowing he regretted our kiss. He should. I should have too. “Nothing should be happening this way; I’m putting you in a tough position.”
“Don’t be sorry. Be strong.” I stared him down, not bending to his apology. “Make me believe you.”
He tilted his head. “Okay, and how do you want me to do that?”
“Go to rehab with the intention of never ever ending up there again.”
Jay ran a hand through his hair and then pulled it up in what looked like frustration. “Meek, what?” He whispered. Then he rasped out, “What do you mean? I don’t have a problem.”
“I think you do. The agency thinks you do too.”
“How can you say that?” The way he asked me had me wanting to snatch back my words. “You never see me using. The last couple of times… I mean… I said last night was…”
“You’re dancing around the truth,” I said, crossing my arms and trying to hold firm. “Every single time you missed a meeting with me last month, you were using. Our company sends me updates on you, I read the headlines, and I’ve caught you more than once taking a bump.”
He raised his eyebrows. “How do you know what a bump is?”
“Does it matter?” I shrugged. I’d never ever used anything other than alcohol for fun in my life but he didn’t need to know that.
“Yes, it matters. Someone offer you something?”
“Would it be terrible if they did? I’m surrounded by you and your friends all the time. You think they don’t offer me anything?” I practically shouted.
“Woman, I want names because I’ve told them never to approach you with that. It’s dangerous for you to—”
“Do not.” I stalked toward him and poked him in the shoulder. “Do not give me a lecture on drugs when you’re using them. You need help. I talked to Bob this morning and they want you in rehab, Jay.”
He glared at me like I was betraying him. His step backward felt like a mile he was putting between us.
“I’m giving you honesty. Don’t look at me like that.” I crossed my arms, knowing I was staring him down like my mother would me.
He growled and pulled at his shirt as if everything was suffocating him, annoying him, frustrating him. “I’m just mad, Meek.”
“Me too. I’m mad at you though.” My voice came out pleading and I dug my nails into my arms, trying to stand my ground and not go to him. I wanted to soothe away his hurt but I knew I’d enabled him for too long. “You put us in this damn situation and you know it. You can’t stop. So, I don’t know if that’s negligence or something worse. Do you?”
“Are you asking me if I have a problem?” The question whooshed out of him, like I was letting all the wind out of his sails.
“I’m asking you to take a look at yourself and assess that question, Jay.”
He stared at me like he was begging for me to throw him a lifeline, a get out of jail free card, anything. I couldn’t, though.
Not this time.
“I’ll go to the rehab center if that’s what you want,” he said, hanging his head.
“I don’t want you to do anything for me.”
His eyebrows slammed down as he whipped his face back up. Then he paced forward.
I stood my ground, not backing up even one step. “This has to be for you and your future. This isn’t my idea. It’s our agency’s idea along with the movie director.”
I stared into his electric blue pools and let my words sink in. His jaw was ticking and the lines on his face had deepened.