CHAPTER FORTY-SEVEN
AUBREY
THE NEXT WEEK PASSED. I made it through just fine.
Katie saw me rolling with the punches and although she looked a bit worried, she nodded like this was the way to do it.
Vick pleaded with me to let my feelings out. Rome said I needed to heal in my own way, that it would come with time.
I told them all I was fine and that this heartbreak wasn’t like last time.
And it wasn’t.
The day my class resumed, I got up to get ready and found Jay in my living room.
“Have you packed to get back to LA yet?” I asked as I started getting my coffee ready. It wasn’t a chai tea or even a coffee with sugar mixed in. It was black. Bold. And straight to the point.
“I’ll pack my bags when I think you’re ready for me to leave.”
I laughed a little. “I’m good, Jay.”
“Yeah, so you keep saying. I think you’re too good though, which is bullshit.”
I nodded at his assessment. To everyone, over these past few days, it must have appeared that way. I hadn’t wallowed or cried like I’d done in the moment. I wasn’t dwelling on losing Jax like I had the first time.
I wasn’t sad, I’d told them over and over. And it wasn’t a lie.
I was numb. Dead. Empty. Those were better words.
I’d told myself I wouldn’t fall for him again and I had. I’d fallen so hard and so deep into that hole of love, I couldn’t see a way out.
The heartbreak poured into that hole too, like oil and tar pouring into an ocean. It was inescapable and toxic. I’d tried to claw my way out of the hole but the heartbreak stuck to me, pulled me down even deeper and suffocated me.
Worse, it infected everyone around me. I saw the way my friends looked at me, like I was so fragile and breakable.
I shook my head at Jay. “I’m moving on, Jay.”
“No one moves on that fast from what you just went through.”
“Do most people go through what I went through?”
He leaned forward on the couch and put his head in his hands before he ran them through his dark hair. When he did that, he reminded me so much of his brother, I almost winced in pain.
When he stood and looked at me though, his blue eyes held compassion and love for me, unlike Jax’s last cold stare.
Jay had never been one to hold a grudge or get so mad that he’d freeze someone out with just a look. Jax, on the other hand had perfected that.
“I don’t know another damn soul that has fucked with a person the way you two fuck with each other.”
I just hummed in agreement as I poured coffee and held up the pot to see if he wanted any.
He nodded. “And I also don’t know another damn soul who’s gone through surviving the trauma you both have. I know you’re strong, but it doesn’t mean you can get over all this so fucking quick. I witnessed how hurt you were last time …”
I cut him off. “Last time, we were young, and I didn’t know what I was getting into. This time, I made the decision knowing what could happen. I took that risk willingly.”
“It doesn’t mean you can’t be hurt that it didn’t work out the way you wanted it to.”
“True.” I nodded and handed him a mug of coffee. “But I’ll live. I’m just not going to fold under the pain this time.”